I’ve never really tried to commit suicide. I’ve thought and thought about it and he’ll I almost tried once or twice but I can never seem to go through with it.
Recently tho I’ve been trying to figure out why that is, mostly I just assume that it’s fear. Typical of every human I guess I’m scared shitless of the thought if taking the leap and not knowing where I’ll land. Sometimes I feel like I’m a faker like by living I keep on hurting the people around me and if I ever show people who I truly am they’d hate me all the more but then a while back my mom said to me ‘well your life is more to me than…’ I’m not even sure I heard the rest of it.
I guess that’s when I realized exactly how much more ending it would hurt my family, so now they’re all I care about. I’m still suicidal but for now not causing their pain has become my reason to live.
2 comments
I completely understand the part of being too afraid to commit suicide because of the unknown and not knowing where you end up or how it will be there. That’s all that’s holding me back
I know! Sometimes it feels like ‘this is the time! This time it’s gonna happen’ and I don’t feel scared anymore I almost feel joyful! But then I never end up even trying!
Is it like that for you too??