This may be triggering for some, so dont continue if you think it will. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore…
Over the past three years, I have lost several important people in my life. Most of them walked out of my life purposefully without a goodbye; one died due to a disease we both are affected by. However, all of them have left me to wander through life stranded and alone. All of them took pieces of me away slowly and now nothing is left worth preserving.
So that is why I am here tonight: to tell everyone why I an ready and willing to die. I mean, what other reason do I have for living besides suing in the end?
I don’t know how I’m going to do it yet, but that is not far behind in the planning process. What I am really trying to think about is if I should leave a note or not.
6 comments
Leave a note. It’s the least you can do
I stopped leaving notes. They only get used against you later on in the event that you live through whatever you plan to do to do yourself in.
I really hate the part where the half assed hack at the emergency department tries to read the proverbial tea leaves of my life and tell me why I’m such a failure at the obvious.. Yeah dumbass.. I suck at dying. Tell me something I don’t know now..
That’s keeping it real. Did they tell you what a selfish p.o.s. you were, too? I swear, what passes for “help” and “healthcare” is appalling. Sorry.
After five inpatient stays and two suicide attempts, I’ll die horribly (say, like drowning) before I’ll go inpatient again. It’s my life and I’m never again letting anyone touch me or tell me I have to live. Psychiatric medication has done more damage to me than it has ever done good. Hell, I’m likely suicidal constantly thanks to these drugs. No one will ever tell me how to live or die again.
I’m a depressed Christ follower though, and I know my future is secure. I’m trying to press on for Jesus. Some may laugh or call me a fool, but I have seen the work of God (and the work of Satan) with my own eyes. I pray for my fellow depressed community who doesn’t know Jesus. Please, don’t die alone.
You described yourself as a Christ follower, so I will reply to you as such. To be fair, I am not a Christian. I see you following Jesus right into the garden of Gethsemane. In fact, I don’t see a whole lot of difference between the two of you. You are both offering the deepest, loneliest, purest form of prayer a human may offer – and your voice calls The Father as clearly as his did.
Dear Ready to Die,
I wish you and I could spend an hour or so talking. That feeling of emptiness and pointlessness is utterly soul-killing. I want to hear your story, to learn who you are right now. To say more would be talking too much.
Thank you for allowing me to see you with compassion. Opening yourself like that is the hardest gift one person can give another.