wow….growing up in a foreign family in the US really can make you socially awkward. I shook hands with a new coworker today and he said “whoah!…lets try that again”. So I gave a firmer handshake the second time in which he replied “that’s better! ” I guess handshakes are a really big deal here in the US and probably anywhere else from what I’ve researched so if that’s the case then I will start giving firmer handshakes. I’ll show them that although I may be somewhat socially awkward, I can still sell furniture just as good as them if not better. This situation happened at my interview today for a furniture sales job that’s why I’m talking about furniture. I guess having a foreign background in general creates some challenges but I won’t let that stop me from functioning properly. I’ll learn, and I’ll learn until I get it right. My soon to be coworkers were shocked when they found out I was applying for the sales position but who cares what they think. The only thing I should care about is what my customers think because that’s where it matters. Fuck it!…..if it has to be a bumpy road at first then so be it. It doesn’t matter how inexperienced I am now as long as I work on it. I can deal with the cards I was dealt in this life. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of because I’m not the only one with these flaws.
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Yes. If you fail to break every bone in the other hand, you have failed as a man, in the U.S. You must also:
-Drive a big, noisy pickup truck and load heavy loads of wood or steel into it as you are working at the construction site, where all the other manly beer drinking sweat hogs congregate.
– Own a gun. Own several guns, and know everything about every gun ever made. Own guns with lots of numbers in the names, like 40/40, 30 odd 6, 357, and of course, never forget to own at least two 44 magnum revolvers. Very popular with the testosterone crowd. Say “bolt action” a lot when discussing them. No freaking idea what it means, don’t care, but it sounds really gunny.
– Play rugby. Run around like a madman, smashing into other madmen all while wearing no helmet or pads. The U.S. likes this. It is viewed as extremely manly.
– Drink beer. Drink lots of beer. You cannot be manly in the U.S. unless you drink lots of beer. It must be brewed with fresh, crisp mountain stream water and made with the finest hops known to man. Stress these points as you drink with other manly men. Shake their hands firmly as you do so. They will be in awe of you.
– Never, ever develop a bald spot. In the U.S., bald spots are symbols of weakness, and apparently, the fate of manliness in the U.S. rests on the elimination of this horrible affliction. If you have one, wear a baseball cap with a saying like “I’m with stupid” on the front. “Who farted?” is also satisfactory. Manly men everywhere will envy you, as they recover from your crushing handshake.
And I will stop being a sarcastic dork now, I apologize if I’ve offended anyone, but I am so damn sick and tired of the whole manly man thing we are supposed to conform to. Nauseating, phony, and just plain pointless, in my opinion.
I agree with the point you made. Unfortunately our society doesn’t. I mean look at the Asians, they bow down to each other instead crushing each others hands off. But what if my way of saying hello was simply saying “hey, whats up! :)”. I guess the world would judge me harshly because through their eyes it’s “unprofessional”. Dude everything you brought up is true. Unfortunately people think being yourself is the equivalent of “trying to be cool” or “show off”. They always accuse me of this when I do me. haha….the beer thing is so true. My old “fake” friend used to make fun of me because I got drunk after 1 beer. But I would tell him that it was actually better for me that I was like that because I wouldn’t have to waste so much money on getting wasted. The football thing is true too, they glorify those knuckleheads so much they don’t notice how awesome other hobbies are that don’t result in brain injuries or bruises. But yeah, that’s the problem isn’t it, we’re expected to be a certain way. It sucks being in the minority, everyone thinks we’re being ourselves just to be “cool” but there’s nothing cool about how we get ridiculed for being ourselves. It’s lonely and depressing when society makes you out to be “the crazy guy”.
Yes, we’re expected to be a certain way, and ridiculed for not being that way. You’re right, it is difficult to just try being yourself when being yourself makes people suspicious.
I’m no better than anyone else. . . I play the “conform or be cast out” game because, well, to a degree, you just have to.
So here’s a firm handshake to a fellow lightweight beer drinker. One and done for me too. Actually hate the stuff.
The handshake is a very creepy and often disgusting experience even for some of us who have lived with it all our lives. I’m sorry you are forced to learn this tradition.
I read that Thomas Lawrence (the real life Lawrence of Arabia) had been raped in a Turkish prison and couldn’t stand any physical contact with people. When asked how he deals with customary handshakes, he said he would keep his hands behind him when meeting someone, take a step back and politely bow. I do the same but I don’t even bother with the bow. I just sort of do a nod and a smile. The key is keeping your hands behind your back at all times and most people will get the hint that you don’t want to be touched. Unless they are complete rude, patronizing dipshits which it sounds like your coworker sorta is.