I’ve been having bad dreams very frequently-it’s weird because I go on phases where I have bad dreams almost every night. So in the last week my dreams have been: death of a family member, death of a different, unknown person, cutting my own throat, etc, etc. It really sucks that I can’t feel anything recently even more than ever-wonder, being moved at something, etc. I feel totally empty. My family and other people were talking about living your life and limited time and stuff like that and all I could think was that I WANT my time to be over. Also it frustrates me endlessly when people don’t feel bad for people who committed suicide and call it selfish. That’s fucking bullshit!!! Random note: my dad calls my sister beautiful but not me like ever and the few times that he does are after he’s already said my sister is beautiful. And nobody acknowledges what I love because I don’t like to share how I feel or anything about myself with anyone. Like on any level. Nobody knows my favorite things and the things that I have shared almost nobody acknowledges. I feel the need very often now to hide from anyone and I’m as antisocial as I’ve ever been. My family doesn’t see this somehow. I know it’s not their fault though. Sorry I know I’m whining :-).
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
It hurts, no question about it, when a sibling is exalted and another is overlooked. I could tell you that it’s not you lack, but your father’s, but that won’t change how you feel. My mother exalted only one of her children. I mention it only as it may relate to your situation. Some people make very bad mistakes as parents. My mother regrets hurting her children (in essence, crippling them). It doesn’t do anything to heal the deep-rooted rejection, but it can heal the relationship eventually.
Sorry you are hurting. You were overdue for a rant anyway.
Thank you for what you said. I appreciate you sharing what you did. It always helps to know I’m not alone :). I love my father. I’m bitter, yes, and I hold onto grudges for a very long time, but I love him a lot. I just feel so invisible and misunderstood and I just want to be fucking seen. What’s my purpose in life? I feel so very lost. I wish somebody could help me.