How do I even prepare for suicide? It seems sucky enough that I’ve killed myself, but I don’t want to leave my family with the hassle of tidying away my stuff (I’m in fostercare so it’ll probably all get dumped so that a new kid can move in).
So I plan on tidying my room, organising my drawers, throwing out/burning diaries, because even after I’m dead, some things are still private. Delete browser history, online accounts. Take out the trash. Clean out my rats cage (I’m going to miss my boys). Is that it?
I would just throw out my stuff but one, someone will notice and two what if I fail.
I’m scared because what if I succeed but what if I fail?
I’ve failed 4 times before. I was living at my granny’s and the first three times just overnight stays in the hospital, psychiatric reviews, avoiding inpatient, then being on watch all.the.time. The fourth time was different though. An ambulance came, 4 days in hospital and then a new fosterhome.
If I fail this time I don’t want to have to move again. That would just make my shitty life 100000000 time worse. And what if I do go to inpatient?!
My life is so fucked up right now.
7 comments
what has pushed you through?
what do you mean?
Prepare for life, not death… Fight. Be brave and dont give up… I would Rather die while fighting for good, than to take my own life…
do you wanna talk? kik me @ starslighten
I think we can help each other in terms of preparation.
Thanks everyone, james16k I may indeed message u
Life is a test, not a ride of joy. Sufferings make u a better and stronger person.
Can u make a post and put the above in it? I cant post from my phone.
I think it’s always good to try to calmly talk about it with someone before doing something. And if you do don’t leave everyone wondering why you did what you did. leave a note or video. sometimes when your writing your note or taking your video you might change your mind and start focusing on the good in life, even if it seems like there’s not much good. I really hope you feel better and make the right choice.