Wounds

I’ve been struggling lately.
I used to be able to translate my mental pain into stories. Fictions built to hold the things I couldn’t bear to hold myself. I’ve lost that somewhere and now I have to hold all of them. They’re all so raw and I experience my emotions very physically. I get anxious about something and it makes my insides burn. I don’t why I attach emotionally the way I do and it doesn’t make sense to anyone. I think it’s due to my damaged self worth. But I can hardly think about this girl without it being an overwhelming experience. I know that’s not normal. I don’t even really know her. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this but the last time was a long time ago and it’s taken me many years to get to a place where it doesn’t affect me much. Sometimes I wonder if that experience has shaped my ability to connect intimately. My relationship all tend to crash and burn after a while. It doesn’t help that my first relationship was abusive. In the end maybe all these wounds that never seem to close never will. Maybe I’ll always be vulnerable and damaged. Maybe I won’t. I don’t want to be. I wish there was an easy way to resolve this.