I’ve been struggling lately.
I used to be able to translate my mental pain into stories. Fictions built to hold the things I couldn’t bear to hold myself. I’ve lost that somewhere and now I have to hold all of them. They’re all so raw and I experience my emotions very physically. I get anxious about something and it makes my insides burn. I don’t why I attach emotionally the way I do and it doesn’t make sense to anyone. I think it’s due to my damaged self worth. But I can hardly think about this girl without it being an overwhelming experience. I know […]
TemptedK
Therapy today. The whole day went well just until the end. I got set off into a panic attack and then found out about the rejection. Why does it hurt so much? Why do I compulsively shoulder all the blame I can? I’m still having a panic attack but it’s on that low burn now. The kind that sits in the back of my head pushing and prodding until it drives me crazy and I’ll do anything to make it stop.
So much for being a “well-adjusted individual”.
I don’t know how to deal with hurt. What do I do with it? It seems like my […]
It’s the Anxiety of having an unfinished situation where I am overly invested emotionally. I’m into a lot of things. As a baseline:
I’m autistic
I’m highly intelligent
I’m neurodivergent
I’m an INTP
These are all things that separate me from people. They make me other in a world that values sameness.
My SO pointed out to me that I may be autistic. It’s been very help to have a label other than “odd”.
So my main trigger is the fact that my SO and I are exploring being poly. Initially while I was suffering the worse case of depression I’ve ever faced in an […]
I appreciate broken people. It makes me feel comfortable to know I’m not alone. In the same way that it’s nice to have on old beat up jacket or car. When things are already broken it’s not so bad when you hurt them. I recognize this is a result of low self worth. How do you build self worth? How do you establish your own value?
I’m struggle with depression on and off my whole life. It’s pretty debilitating and uncomfortable. It’s usually a result of anxiety and the natural defence. The anxiety is like something burning me up and throws my inner world into […]