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I don’t know

by lilyv943

Seriously, why do I even try?

 

All she cares about is him. As long as he’s in her life, she doesn’t care about me even though I’ve been here for her this entire time. But, I guess it’s hard to care for something you can’t see..

 

She’s all I’ve ever known. The love of a mother or a father was always scarce to me, so of course I began to grow closer to her since she basically gave me that feeling I’ve been missing out on. But, I have to face it that I was only her income. Only ever everyone’s income. She doesn’t care and I have to find another place to go, now. She has no further use for me now, she’s drained me completely dry.

 

Ah, no. Why do I bother? Why do I allow myself to become so attached to something that will easily dispose of me? How do I become indispensable? She is loving and caring at times, but in ways so like my mother.. she is my sister and I love her. To the point that if she is in danger, so am I. If she is hurting, so am I. If she falls, I fall with her. If she has a bullet aiming for her head, I will block it with mine instead. My sister, I so deeply love like a mother, who does not love me back..

 

She is all I’ve ever known.. doesn’t she know that?

 

But she dare not care.. who would?

 

So.. like my mother…

 

It’s been hard..

 

I have tried to improve myself for my mother and now I try to improve myself for her in hopes that I, too can be someone worthy of her love if worthy of love at all. I often wonder…

 

I don’t know. She’s calling for me, now. I will write later.

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Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. In its broadest definition, a codependent is someone who cannot function from their innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance. Some users of the codependency concept use the word as an alternative to using the concept of dysfunctional families, without statements that classify it as a disease.

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