Everyone is just so broken. It’s not just me or the people on this site, but everyone is riddled with cracks and holes. Some are seemingly not as bad as others. Some cracks are left in the open only to deepen and never be healed, but others lie just beneath the surface and heal no better.
It hurts to move forward yet so does standing still. Live or don’t live, does it matter? Who even cares anymore? Everyone is broken in some way but won’t acknowledge it to each other. We just ignore the pain in ourselves and hope it’ll heal itself, but it never does.
Maybe that’s just me? None of this probably makes any sense, it’s late and I’m tired but I felt like writing this.
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I see it everyday. Watching from my window or when i venture out to get something to eat. Because i’m on my own it feels like i’m not really participating in life. Couples, woman and their children in their own bubble as if no one can see them. As i zig zag around these oblivious people, i notice my opposites out there. Those who are alone as well. You can see it in their faces or the way they project themselves. Not everyone who’s alone at that time is alone all the time. Yeah, that’s just a guess on my part, but i think it’s true.
Broken people reecognise their counterparts. Maybe the invisible weight of life can be sensed somehow? Just like when anyone has experience in any tradecraft, you notice signs and signals that those who are ignorant of wouldn’t / couldn’t see or understand.
It never used to be this way, or rather i never saw it like this. I sometimes think a sadness has fallen on this world and thats not just because i’m sad and thats all i want to see. Not many people have the time for each other anymore. Life is melancholy for many nowadays i think.
Well that’s effing sad. If people can tell who’s lonely or broken, then it’s even harder to find a normal person who’ll love us, or even be friends with us.
It’s like a vicious circle- those who were born in shit conditions or had shit lives- grow up to be messed up, and depressed, but people can sense it so they stay away, so we become more depressed and lonely, the more lonely and depressed we are, the less we can hide it from the world and the more it shows on our faces and demeanor, and the more people see that and stay away, and the more lonely we become.
Jesus fucking christ, there’s no end to this. Well, there is ONE end, THE end, but sadly, even that is unachievable due to society not wanting us to kill ourselves, but at the same time, society doesn’t want us and shuns us. So f*** us. We’re unwanted, shunned and outcast, and not allowed to end our miserable meaningless lives.
Yes, life is wonderful when you wake up and one of the first sites you go on is SP…
Oy…I am a lost cause…
And no, this isn’t even a “bad” day; just a “normal” day for me. Sigh…
Sorry eternal
I wrote this while listening to some melancholy tunes and trying to figure my place out in this world. I really shouldn’t post when i’m down, cause i know my drivel is seriously demotivational, and god knows ths site needs some good vibes.
Trouble is, when i’m on the other end of this, i post stuff and it seems to fly so far past the mark, that i piss everyone off without even meaning to.
I too come here straight away after waking up. I can’t even check the news first as i know that will be pretty bad as well.
My trouble as well is, i don’t really know that much in this life, apart from lonliness and the like. So i tend to gravitate towards these kinds of posts.
Once again sorry to you, or others who read my posts like this one and come away feeling worse.
No, no, your comment didn’t make me sad- no need to apologize. What makes me sad is the REALITY of the situation. This is the stuff that I’ve already known and been thinking about for quite a while. Your comment only reflects what I already know and think.
Besides, I hate fake cheery stuff anyway- find it rather annoying. I prefer people be honest and talk about reality vs sticking their neck in the sand and glossing over the real hardships and real darkness of depression.
Also, when I say “Yes, life is wonderful when you wake up and one of the first sites you go on is SP…” it’s speaking to how messed up my life is that SP is one of the first sites I visit- regardless of your post or not- and also, your post wasn’t the first one I read anyhow.
Also wrote something else but for some wacky reason it’s in moderation. Take a look there. So don’t feel bad about posting your comment.