I’m a loser

June 8th, 2017by gioia

I study a subject in the medical field. It’s a very tough university program in which one relies a lot on the professors and whether they like you or not.

You have to be there all the time. And I just can’t. I am scared of failing. But I am failing because I am scared. There are days I just can’t get out of the bed, even though I know the consequences.

So now I’m about to fail a very important course the second time. It started out great in the beginning, I worked faster and was motivated and tried to always smile and be extremely polite. It was utterly exhausting but I really tried to hold on.

But now it’s falling apart.

I don’t know if I’ve got a depression, i am too scared to ask my parents for therapy -they don’t know about the abuse from my ex or how badly I’m dealing with everything but my medical insurance is linked to theirs; so they’d know if I went to a therapist. I am too scared to go to self help groups, there are too many people.

I don’t know how to help myself, I’m so ashamed when I go to university and see myself falling behind everyone else. But not going makes me feel like the laziest loser on earth.

I really want to make it through that university subject but I also realize if I am not able to change something about my situation I will drop out.

I thought about taking a break and taking care of my mental health for one semester and earn some money but then I would have to definitely talk with my parents and I have no idea how to start that conversation.

Has anybody here gone through something similar? How do you start this talk?

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