I’m a loser
June 8th, 2017by gioia
I study a subject in the medical field. It’s a very tough university program in which one relies a lot on the professors and whether they like you or not.
You have to be there all the time. And I just can’t. I am scared of failing. But I am failing because I am scared. There are days I just can’t get out of the bed, even though I know the consequences.
So now I’m about to fail a very important course the second time. It started out great in the beginning, I worked faster and was motivated and tried to always smile and be extremely polite. It was utterly exhausting but I really tried to hold on.
But now it’s falling apart.
I don’t know if I’ve got a depression, i am too scared to ask my parents for therapy -they don’t know about the abuse from my ex or how badly I’m dealing with everything but my medical insurance is linked to theirs; so they’d know if I went to a therapist. I am too scared to go to self help groups, there are too many people.
I don’t know how to help myself, I’m so ashamed when I go to university and see myself falling behind everyone else. But not going makes me feel like the laziest loser on earth.
I really want to make it through that university subject but I also realize if I am not able to change something about my situation I will drop out.
I thought about taking a break and taking care of my mental health for one semester and earn some money but then I would have to definitely talk with my parents and I have no idea how to start that conversation.
Has anybody here gone through something similar? How do you start this talk?
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Jun 08, 2017 @ 10:06:11
Could start by saying you’ve been getting very stressed lately and feeling overwhelmed, and take it from there.
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Jun 08, 2017 @ 10:08:51
and, you’re not a loser. You seem caught in a bad cycle with your feelings, but a loser is not a word to describe what you’re doing. You’re trying.
I’m on a break from doing school work til I can get myself in some order, and it makes things easier in some ways.
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Jun 08, 2017 @ 11:55:15
I’ve dropped out of courses of higher education multiple times. I also have extensive experience not seeking help, or settling for subpar help.
The truth is that people who notice when they need help, and ask for it until they get it (and I mean help that actually works, because otherwise it isn’t help) do better than the rest of us.
At least that is my belief.
If you can avoid it, I wouldn’t drop out or pause your course. Be as imperfectionist as you can about it. I have dropped out so many times because I felt overwhelmed and that I couldn’t possibly catch up, but guess what? Usually a lot of people want to see you succeed. And it’s no good dropping out whenever there’s a crisis.
If at all possible, it’s best to get as much help as possible and just try to muddle through.
Hugs
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Jun 08, 2017 @ 12:30:02
Try to figure out what you might need and ask your parents for help. Start by the more amenable of the two.
And I agree with muspelhem; if possible don’t drop out or give up. If you can get useful help, keep at it and do your best.
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