I work in the medical field, I see people who struggle or have horrible outcomes. I have PTSD and sometimes feel there is no getting better or making it through the day. I work hard, have an amazing support group yet still feel hopeless. I’ve tried therapy, medications, removing myself from situations and to no avail feel pain. I wish it was the pain that physical meds could fix. But it isn’t, my trauma follows me everywhere shit even the news sometimes. I try and push through go to work, but I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Like I’m just there, existing. I’ve missed countless therapy sessions in the past few months, I’ve replaced my medications with a bottle of whiskey. And I pretend that everything is fine and ok. But it’s not, I have nightmares, panic attacks, can’t sleep I barely eat. I’m sure the bags under my eyes are permanent. I’m young, I should be living and enjoying my life. Instead I spend it on guard always, and constantly on edge. I’ve tried and tried and tried to bring myself to it but I can’t. Not a moral dilemma or spiritual, just the dilemma of being yet again a burden. There’s kids that go through my work site that have more balls than me. And I’m jealous cause at least they tried and I can’t even do that. It’s a lot of effort. I don’t feel this way cause I want attention no I feel this way because my pain tolerance has exceeded itself. In my short life I’ve had to deal with a lot of bs, I’ve been through literal hell. I just wish a way out would present itself, not like we all get out alive anyways.
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have you ever tried kratom man? Im not having yor exact exp but im going through hell with withdrawls and kratom is a legal plant athats cheap ad just got reap popular it works good for anxienty
the panic attacks i still have but there no where near as bad and im not just hear to pretend to have stuff in common with you but i stuffer from sever panic attacks and if you want to try some kratom i still have sample packs u can get 2 packs for only shipping which is 4-5
$ but ony in us if you interested on that are maybe something else u need just email me at Kev6104 at gmail dot com even if its just to talk that be great for me to id love to chat with some1 atm
I, too, have PTSD.
I am a 3yr memory care CNA in Michigan & currently obtaining my second bachelor’s degree in nursing via an accelerated option in Florida (16 month BSN).
I am an empath, and healing/compassionate work draws me in like a moth to the flame. I feel like in so many ways you are speaking and living my exact story.
I am married (living long distance for school currently) & I have an unyielding work ethic and give my whole soul to my work. I am a Christian (even if you are not, it still relates!), and my family is exceptionally supportive of the work that I do both for patients, and for the family learning to cope with illness and loss. I am 25 currently, and at the age of 21 I found in my senior year of undergrad (psych major, go figure) the bottle. It easily trumped any medication that I’d ever taken, and under the stress I was under as a social worker in domestic violence and as a newlywed, I fell hard and fast into addiction.
Despite years of counseling and medication, it took addiction to really show me what rock bottom was, and that through my suffering, I could help others heal. When I left social work & embraced my calling as a nurse, I felt like I freed myself. The pain of loss and heartbreaking deaths still follows me, but it is muffled by the cry of my calling, and my passion.
Drinking copious amounts of alcohol and taking pills did not in the SLIGHTEST help my coping or addiction. Instead, I found myself ruminating on loss and hopelessness while in a vulnerable alcohol induced stupor.
There are still days that I struggle, and I still need to come here to remind myself while I’m worthwhile to save, but things do get better.
What worked for me was letting go of the deaths and accidents I couldn’t prevent, and embracing the compassionate (passionate, loving, I could go on!), can that I can provide my patients at their final moments of life. I also have a duty to families, to remember the legacy of their lost loved one & find direction in attempts to heal from their trauma.
What keeps me going is the idea of who else might be caring for these people if not me, and would it be actual caring, or just a series of obligatory duties and checklists..?
Please STAY; one day I might NEED you!
care* that I can provide*
I would also like to add that I am formally diagnosed with Bipolar 2, ADHD, OCD, & Panic disorder.
If somebody like me can not only tackle their suicidal ideations & go on to pursue nursing, then so can YOU!
Additionally, please consider that while you are a caring person & drawn to the idea of helping other, not all are meant for a nursing career. It take’s great strength to realize that while one is drawn to healing, they are doing damage to themselves that mitigates their ability to help others.
Please be open to the idea the a career involving death may not be God’s plan for you, and be open to willingly accept another life calling that you have been given. Do NOT see this as a failure; it takes IMMENSE COURAGE to admit such a thing.
I have family in the medical practice (EMT) so I understand your struggle from a more intimate perspective. they’ve told me of the horrors that go hand in hand with the profession and the high depression/suicide rate among the field, so I can’t begin to imagine what you must have witnessesed to get to this point. the fact still remains that you work to help others and took many people’s agony in their place. that’s something that garners my highest respect. People like you are the heroes of society and have value beyond definition. Regardless of anything, thank you.
I’m not sure if this is just good marketing, but it has supposedly shown promising results with PTSD sufferers:
acceleratedresolutiontherapy.com/web/
I was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder and am rather depressed. I was medicated for many years. Personally, I am a big proponent of psychoeducation, i.e. education yourself on these matters. Everyone is different and has different priorities and preferences. You have to wade through lots of useless bunk (i.e. unscientific garbage), but once in awhile you stumble upon some really good resource. Another good one is self-compassion. Again, clinically proven. And of course CBT.
self-compassion.org
Finally, you can’t separate physical and mental health. You simply can’t. You would know, working in the medical field. If at all possible, you need to get your sleep. 7-9 hours every night, at the same time. If not possible, make it possible. It’s such a basic human need. Eat right. I.e. no sugar. Exercise for functional strength. Lay off the whiskey. Be around people. Loneliness is unhealthy. So open up. Don’t go it alone. Men who subscribe to the ideal of complete self-sufficiency have worse mental health.
Take care, my friend.