3 months ago my best friend and life partner died of cancer in my arms at just 41. We were each others lives. Tied together for 22 years. Nothing anyone says seems to touch the constant pain and hopelessness. She was and had been the only thing that made my life feel ok. Now I am a ghost in a dead man’s life. I do not want to be here but I am scared to end it myself. So hello?
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Hi halfleft, welcome to SP.
I don’t think anyone can fault you for feeling like this after such a loss. I’m guessing you two didn’t have children. Otherwise, that could have been something to keep you going. I guess you should just keep in mind what she would have wanted for you.
Hi SadPotato,
Thank you for the kind words. We did not have children, we were both too sad to think that would be a good idea. Her last words to me were “What are you going to do?” she looked so worried when she asked.
O ok, that’s understandable and very responsible of you two. Her last words seems to imply that she wanted you to go on. Do you have any things you always wanted to experience, any goals you wanted to accomplish? I know that will be hard, considering how intertwined you two were, but maybe there’s something. Also, maybe you can dedicate some time to the cancer cause, in an effort to save people from experiencing what you’ve experienced.
You seem so compassionate. I wish this broken place in me did not want to shred up all of your reasonable and loving ideas. wishing you some joy.
Thank you. I wish you some joy as well, or at least peace, despite how remote those things will sound to you.
Sorry for your loss. It’s very beautiful that the two of you loved each other and were together for so long. What would she want for you?
Thank you. I wish I could be grateful for the time, rather than so crushed. It was truly beautiful and I know she would want me to have joy and love. She knew me well though.
Hello Halfleft. No surprise that words don’t help right now. Welcome.
Hi Chip, I appreciate the understanding, and the welcome.
My sympathies for your heartache and loss. I hope you are hanging on. and, if you need to talk it out, I would be happy to listen. email to corinao@protonmail.com
I can only imagine what you’re going through, but if you want to talk, I’m here.