I will always be suicidal

I’ve never in the nearly 30 years ive been on earth had a life worth living. I was 12 and wanted to kill myself to spare myself pain but I didn’t. i was 13 and wanted to kill I should have but didnt….. I was 27 and wanted to kill myself to spare myself pain but I didn’t. Etc. I am accustomed to complete misery and lonliness and isolation. I have no motive to continue. Ive had so many suicide dates come and go and so many attempts fail. Im tired i was born for no reason have done nothing while being here and need to die. I legit think of suicide as the most loving act of mercy i can do for myself. I have completely broken. No treatment has helped. I dont believe in religon. I only post to give myself enough mental relief to function enough to make it to my eventual suicide.