I hate when my family presumes to know everything about me-like what I said about my dad “knowing” there’s nothing pathological in me. My mom said I need to broaden my taste in movies because she’s thinks I hate chick flicks because I always say I don’t want to watch them because I think I’ll be judged or feel guilty because the rest of the fam thinks they’re really stupid. I said she was wrong, that I have more tastes and she said, “right like you don’t feel comfortable telling us your tastes because we’ll judge you”. But that’s just the thing! I am scared to be judged! I watch chick flicks secretly sometimes and that’s why I don’t tell anyone about my depression-because I’m scared to be seen differently. I pathologically lie about all of my tastes-in music, movies, etc. idk what’s wrong with me…i just don’t want to share anything with my family. I wish I had a friend…
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What you have to say is definitely important . Thank you for sharing .
I feel similar in terms of always lying about what I like. I feel very much like I don’t fit in with the crowd of people around me. I like all kinds of music. I’ve shared songs with the people around me before and been mocked for liking them. And that’s hurtful, because music impacts me so much and I’ll be thinking wow, that song kept me going strong during some of my hardest times.
Chick-flicks are alright, in my opinion. When I’m feeling really really sad, sometimes I like to watch them. And sometimes when I feel like that, I like to watch really really sad, traumatic movies. It’s kind of lame your family would judge you for liking what you like though, it’s who you are. I can kind of relate though, because I would never just be able to talk to my family about my interests without being pushed to feel even more like an outsider.
I think I want friends, but I don’t really know. Connections make things more difficult sometimes. I can get through some days easier on my own. So maybe I just want friends some days? I don’t really know *shrugs* It kind of feels like this site is loosely my friend this week.
Take care!
Thanks for saying that :-). I agree with you about music-it’s the only thing that gets me through sometimes and I absolutely love music. I always feel like an outsider because my interests are different than my family’s and I don’t have a friend. I understand what you mean about friends. Sometimes I want a friend and sometimes I realize it probably wouldn’t make me feel any better.