This will sound weird, but I have friends and family members I care about a lot and I don’t want to hurt them. I also know that some people would blame themselves, maybe even hurt themselves if I killed myself and I really don’t want that.
maybe the fear of surviving or regretting what I did when I can’t come back, deep inside I’m still waiting and hoping for good things to happen but suicide is aways on my mind
When it comes down to brass tacks it’s because I still have a bit of hope somewhere. Sure, I’m a hardcore pessimist, and I honestly expect everything to be shit and to continue being pointless shit, but there’s a teeny tiny stupidly naive voice in me that goes “MAYBE you won’t always worthlessly be living a worthless life. MAYBE you’ll start working harder and find some meaning somewhere. MAYBE” So the suicide fantasies, however frequent, are still just fantasies for me. I’m afraid I’m going to end up living my entire lifespan like some ninny who despite having no money keeps on buying fucking scratch cards. I’d rather die than be in that situation. But… MAYBE…
I tried, I “suceeded”
But I was saved in hospital.
The reality for me is that I never wanted to die, I don’t think anyone really does? Maybe some..
But I think for the majority we just want the suffering to end.
The reason I keep going is simple, I have hope even if it is just a tiny fraction, even if that hope constantly fades into nothing , it comes back.
I have that hope that things can get better and improve and I might experience something positive in life before my time is up, I live because I’m going to die anyway and so I may as well live to see what life has to offer, I can’t hurt or break anymore then i have already.
And I’m not always suffering.
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This will sound weird, but I have friends and family members I care about a lot and I don’t want to hurt them. I also know that some people would blame themselves, maybe even hurt themselves if I killed myself and I really don’t want that.
Why do you suffer? What makes you suffer?
Why are you suicidal? What makes you suicidal?
I suffer with pretty bad depression and anxiety and I am really afraid of losing the person who means so much to me.
I stay because I want to find real love first. And take love in my heart with me.
I know I’m going to Hell. Just waiting for the right time.
Maybe love will save you from hell
Maybe both of us 🙂
maybe the fear of surviving or regretting what I did when I can’t come back, deep inside I’m still waiting and hoping for good things to happen but suicide is aways on my mind
When it comes down to brass tacks it’s because I still have a bit of hope somewhere. Sure, I’m a hardcore pessimist, and I honestly expect everything to be shit and to continue being pointless shit, but there’s a teeny tiny stupidly naive voice in me that goes “MAYBE you won’t always worthlessly be living a worthless life. MAYBE you’ll start working harder and find some meaning somewhere. MAYBE” So the suicide fantasies, however frequent, are still just fantasies for me. I’m afraid I’m going to end up living my entire lifespan like some ninny who despite having no money keeps on buying fucking scratch cards. I’d rather die than be in that situation. But… MAYBE…
The biological impetus to not die.
Fear of failure
I tried, I “suceeded”
But I was saved in hospital.
The reality for me is that I never wanted to die, I don’t think anyone really does? Maybe some..
But I think for the majority we just want the suffering to end.
The reason I keep going is simple, I have hope even if it is just a tiny fraction, even if that hope constantly fades into nothing , it comes back.
I have that hope that things can get better and improve and I might experience something positive in life before my time is up, I live because I’m going to die anyway and so I may as well live to see what life has to offer, I can’t hurt or break anymore then i have already.
And I’m not always suffering.
I used to say..because i have a sliver of hope. Now…i think it’s completely gone. Completely,