I have the same feeling sometimes, I feel a little cheered up, I have a laugh but I remind myself that this is temporary, the way I really feel, miserable, depressed, crushed, bogged down, stuck, jealous will return shortly.
My thoughts of suicide use to be just thoughts but lately this has also changed for me, I’m coming to realize that my life isn’t going to change, no one is going to come save, I either I have to begin to enjoy this miserable life or end it.
I know I won’t be able to enjoy this life, its literally to hard. I’m so far behind people my age, I see how some people have things so easy, so happy, then I see other people are so miserable. The reality is I’ve come to conclusion there is no justice in this place. Things are the way they are just because they are.
I don’t know when I’ll go through with my plan but it’ll be soon, I don’t wanna feel better either, what for? Misery is the only real emotion, happiness is temporary. The Universe is a beautiful creation but this planet and our society is appalling how people treat each other. Humans bother me, I’ll most likely never find someone I can trust and fall in love with, a life of lonely isolation is no life at all. My moms married twice, never once has she come and talk to me about the fact that I’m alone all the time or encourage me to go out and try and find someone, nothing, …. really disappointed, but I feel she’d be the first to shit on a new relationship should I find one,
I always just wanted to be happy like I was when I was younger, I’m cute little geeky guy, I have a awesome collection of videos, board games, books, all around fun stuff, I love the outdoors, I’m trustworthy and loving but I am always alone. Always. I have chest pain, and panic attacks along with sever anxiety.
Suicide is a not a selfish act. No one was there for me when I was alive, no one will be there moments before I take my life. Alone, Alone and Alone. People need more then food, water and shelter to be hole humans beings, to be alive and to feel alive are two different things.
1 comment
People need meaningful, caring, respectful relationships with others. Without that we wither and can’t thrive (although some profess to not need anyone in this way).
Yes, the planet is a beautiful place, some people do appear to have everything but you never know what’s going on inside someone else’s head.
Sorry to hear that your Mum isn’t really there for you. Is there someone else in your family that can help with support?
You never know what is in store as far as finding love goes. It’s a mixed bag but keep your eyes open, your heart cautiously open and you’ll have a chance at love I’m sure.