So since you only have a couple weeks to go before you get a new shot at life in New Zealand. I thought I would congratulate you and bid you salutations. It’s not everyday a junky gets a second chance, oh wait, most of them get about ten. What I find funny about your situation is that you still think you’re above every junky drug user when in reality in the past 3 years drug use is the number one mitigating variable that makes your trip to New Zealand even more impossible. Some how though this time your drug use launched over an ocean, and into a new life. I may come off as bitter in this post, but really I am far from it, it’s honestly astonishing how well this is working for you. The sad sad truth is that these nasty habits will follow you wherever you go.
While this is about you, I figured I would let you know how I have felt about you since the first day I met you. You’re an elitist arrogant asshole, you stand on a mound of pompous shit as you stare over the vast congregation of subhumans. You’re saturated in a youthful superiority complex. The stories about your confused schizophrenic friend you used to tell made me sick. It shouldn’t be a burden to be someone’s friend, you shouldn’t look down on people who rely on you for support.
Your rants about your junky addict mom were so confusingly ironic to me because while she may be in a bad way, she was hand feeding you some of the most powerful benzodiazapines and opiates you can buy. I mean you grew up around drug abuse, and with superior tone in your voice you pronounced that you would never stoop so low; you could never be physically addicted to drugs. You would never be a junky.
So with an assured awareness you moved forward, take a few opiates here and benzos there, hell maybe you smoked for free cutting deals with your mom’s scripts, it seemed innocent yet you were ignorantly feeding a beast. You were taking the very same drugs that incapacitate your mom in substantial amounts, yet at the same time somehow deluding yourself that you didn’t have issues with substance abuse. I mean seriously it’s not borderline drug addiction if you were only taking 60 mg of diazepam to get through the day plus the 7 joints to smooth it over. Not to mention when you got home and popped a few percocets for the sore legs and arms. After a day of work you came to speak with your friends with the coherency of parrot repeating the same stories about getting busted by Kettering cops and how they’re so much worse than New Orleans cops. How you shouldn’t have drove down that road that night. A smart junky can drive down any road, as long as they know how to keep a clean house, but hey you were inexperienced. It was your first offense.
The funny thing about it is addiction is it’s cyclical, no matter how addicted you are when you start to gain the tolerance, and you start to consume narcotics, weed, and benzodiazapines it always leads to dysfunctional behavior. You didn’t get unlucky that night you were arrested, you were on percocets, and you had joint roaches in your fucking car. So this was the first cycle you had. It isn’t even the last. You did your time, quit the drugs, you even explained how hard it was to do all of it. The inability to eat, the difficulty working, the complete lack of interest in anything. That’s drug addiction man, you don’t have to have a physical withdrawal, which I am guessing there was some of that as well, and you’re just too proud to say it.
Miracles do happen though. After your probation you settled back into old habits. The drug consumption because a functional problem again, until it wasn’t. It yet again got in the way, and as a result you were fired. You worked for your dad, had no money to pay back taxes, and even worse you weren’t going to meet the year end deadline so you could move to New Zealand. I don’t know what really happened from here, but somehow in 2 weeks you get to say bon voyage, and take flight to a new life.
I wrote this because I am sick of you treating me like a subhuman. I’ve lived longer than you, and I’ve had more experiences. By the time I was 24 I had a year sober, I also had a full time job, I paid rent, I paid student loans, I got bailed out a couple times from drug situations too though. I just want you to know you’re not better than me, you have no right to look down on me. The most irritating thing about all of it is no matter what I say to you, no matter what wisdom I could offer, you are going to continue to let your problems follow you around. You’ve still got time to be superior, but from what I have seen, and the conversations I’ve had with you while you’re wasted, there ain’t much time left brother.
7 comments
I didn’t read all of this, but if you wrote this entire essay to a “former friend,” you must have cared about them. Remember that “hate provokes more hate.” If you don’t want someone to dislike you, maybe you shouldn’t be so critical and judgmental. Remember that everyone has their own path to follow, and just because they may not have accomplished certain things at a certain age, it doesn’t matter.
Hopefully they’ll learn their own lessons, and it’s always good to listen to people (even if you’re angry with them), because they can teach you life lessons too. Also, experience and age don’t matter much either, as it’s easy to forget things over time, so humans often continue making the same mistakes unless people point it out to them. Then they might have an “ohhh okay” moment and a flash of self-awareness. (I have yet to meet an elderly person who seemed like a wise “zen master” or whatever, so there you go.)
Let me condense it for you, and preface it with this sentence. There was never love, there was never friendship, and this is most certainly this is a declaration of complete disdain for a person who treats certain people like they’re inferior slugs. I fall into that category for that person. I will paste a couple poignant paragraphs from what I wrote so perhaps you can get an idea of what I am talking about.
“While this is about you, I figured I would let you know how I have felt about you since the first day I met you. You’re an elitist arrogant asshole, you stand on a mound of pompous shit as you stare over the vast congregation of subhumans. You’re saturated in a youthful superiority complex. The stories about your confused schizophrenic friend you used to tell made me sick. It shouldn’t be a burden to be someone’s friend, you shouldn’t look down on people who rely on you for support.
Your rants about your junky addict mom were so confusingly ironic to me because while she may be in a bad way, she was hand feeding you some of the most powerful benzodiazapines and opiates you can buy. I mean you grew up around drug abuse, and with superior tone in your voice you pronounced that you would never stoop so low; you could never be physically addicted to drugs. You would never be a junky.”
He’s an arrogant person plain and simple, but people like him often find themselves humbled by the short comings the bring on themselves. Let’s all hope he’s humbled.
Why do you care to this extent then that you would write all of that (your original post)?
Anger? It’s infuriating to be belittled by a peon.
He must remind you of yourself somehow, or otherwise you’d shake it off and wouldn’t take it to heart.
The top three reasons to be angry with people:
1) When you perceive them to be taking away your control and free will, or treating you unfairly due to some advantage they have over you (authority figures, employers, parents, siblings, manipulative significant others/friends/frenemies, or general wrongdoers).
2) Having expectations of people that they have not fulfilled, which might leave you with resentment or sadness.
3) The flaws of others might remind you of what you don’t like about yourself, and it makes you upset to see them reflected back to you in your dealings with them, even if you only realise that subconsciously, and instead think the other people are entirely to blame for however they angered you.
What is your goal here exactly? Are you trying to make me feel petty for ranting about a person I can’t stand, or are you pulling a Dr. Phil moment out of your ass. I mean that’s what that fella does right? He gets like 20% of a story, and slowly pulls a string of anal beads comprised of pseudo psychological/ scientific horse shit out of his ass in order to put a problem child or cruel parent into their “place”. Oh if that was your goal, being Dr. Phil, you forgot to leave an inspirational book under my fuc king computer chair.
If you wanted me to take a step back. If you wanted me to look at myself because I got irritated and angry with a person, believe me you didn’t grant me a magical epiphany. The person is simply one of those guys who is incapable of grasping his own reality. He looks down on people who do the exact things he does, and it really bothers me.
I’m aware of my reality, I don’t look down on people like me because I can recognize them a mile away, what bothered me was he is incapable of accepting his own reality. I know 18 year old people that know you can’t run from your problems because they just follow you right along. He’s a child, and that irritates me. I detest his presence, and I figured I would post this here instead of blowing up in his face about how little respect I have for him.
Lastly, people are complex so please don’t take 20% of the written words I spewed out in a less than favorable mood, with total lack of sleep, which were fueled with frustration.
Or hell, maybe next time read the whole thing, and write a paper to prove your point, make sure to use APA format because that’s all I am accepting.
BTW I’ve known this kid for years, still can’t stand him, I was ranting. Yes I was mad, but don’t psychoanalyze me if you’re not going to inquire about the full spectrum of the situation.