A mostly belated Thank You

August 2017 marks my four years on this site. I joined in 2013 around these days. I never really got around to thanking some people here. I often think about them before going to sleep. So today I’m skipping it. No it’s not like the thank you speech people give while leaving or winning some event. I’m still here and still miserable. But that doesn’t make effect of these people on me any less.

Clevername: What can be said about him. I believe it is a privilege of SP that he came here for that brief period of time and interacted with people here. To me: He gave me a backbone. The ability to stand for myself and fight against people. He often regarded himself as water, but much in him was stone as well. And he subtly transferred that stone in me. That rock like property which stands up for itself. When I came here I didn’t have a backbone. I absolutely couldn’t face my relatives, neighbours, any authority, or society in general. But when he left from here, he left me with power to face all these. And it is because of him that I’m able to live on my own today. I couldn’t even have imagined this at that time, so naive and fearful I was towards worldly things.

ThousandCuts: The first person I was able to relate with ever in my life. My search string for finding this site was: ‘My life story’. And I think I was on 17th or 18th page, under blog search, when I found SP. Such was my desperation to find one person, just one person who is like me, who thinks like me, with whom I could relate. I just wanted to relate with one person, to get the assurance that I’m not a blunder, that I’m not some weird creature who is different than everybody else, whose like can’t be found. ThousandCuts gave me a place in this world. He gave me the ability to have a sense of where I stand among other people. You know, the criteria, the measuring strip, the reference. I can never thank him enough. I see him as my friend and it is my heartly wish to meet him in person once.

Persephone: She helped me in understanding myself. When I talked to her about my Truth pursuit, this was the first time I was formulating it in words. It was such a part of me that I didn’t even know it existed. It was quite a revelation to me. Conversations with her helped reveal things about myself. Another incident was when she included me in the category of philosophers. As I said when I came here I didn’t know my place in the world. Whatever I used to write here I absolutely had no idea whether it was intelligent or dumb, whether it was an original idea or the commonest thought that everyone knows. Her labelling me also showed me my place in the world. Although she was wrong, I’m no philosopher, but what matters is that she thought of me as such, and she was an intelligent woman, so it was a morale booster for me at that time when I was at lowest self esteem.

Vedura: I had only one interaction with her. When I left my job and job pursuits for good and decided to settle for what makes me feel free. I was totally confused. My past habits of worthlessness, guilt and fear of failure were eating me up. Then came her comment. She talked a bit about her own struggle for independent life and how it was all worth it in the end. And I don’t know why but it gave me such assurance, such confidence. It single-handedly overcame my feeling of worthlessness. I know a bit about her from her posts and comments over the years. That she fought with authorities to have her house somewhere in mountains. And she is probably the oldest woman here. All this I could visualize. I could see it from her eyes. And it gave me such assurance in my decision. I thank her with all my heart. I gain a lot of wisdom when I visualize things from her perspective.

Duke of Marmalade: Arguably the wisest man on this site. His wisdom was so sharp and accurate, so appropriate for the situation. Even today when I try to visualize things from his eyes I get revelations. He has become a sort of benchmark for me. I feel like I can never get lost as long as his perspective is there watching me.

There are many other who have helped me and taught me various things over the years. I am not naming everyone because I’m afraid someone will slip from my mind and I won’t be able to forgive myself for that. I thank you all for interacting with me and helping me. (although I don’t think many are around here (on SP) anymore to read this.)