I am very sick of this reality, this putrid society. I’m so tired of it all. I’m so tired in a way I can’t sleep.
I have utter hatred of this outcome I have propelled myself into. I very much desire that I never even appeared in this “conscious”. My parents gave birth to me, without my consent. I suppose no one is asked at birth whether or not they want to enter a world.
I’m so tired of the humans around me, residing on this Earth.
So this is the result of my actions or I suppose from the moment of my birth, I had very much indeed failed myself. Existing is the source of sin. I was born disgustingly human. I keep wagering myself of how human i am, and i reminisce, i take a good long look into myself and i arrive at the same conclusion. I am just like those disgusting humans trotting on this Earth, i am a failure like them all. I am disgusting. I never wanted to be like the humans that have failed in my eyes (e.g. parents) yet I became just like them. I always seem to use the fact that i am far more humane than them, but some actions contradict each other, they seem to be jeopardise. Oh fie. I want to disappear. I want to enter a different world where living creatures are not so much of a failure. I want to ascend above it all. I want die. I just want to speed up the process of my death. Death is always looming at my door, I welcome it but it never sets foot inside. It’s not death I’m afraid of, its my own incompetence that I fear that I will fail at my own death.
I’m so sick of all the apathy. Apathy truly is the most evilest human sin. You see ego is created by apathy. All the indifference, the lack of understanding, the impulsive desires, I’m so sick of it all. All the contradiction man has made, that I have made. I hear people say they hate murder, that murders should suffer, should never exist. I witnessed your hypocrisy, you are a murder yourself. You trod on that trail on ants. You squish cockroaches because you seem to be annoyed at them. You consume animals and plants, aren’t you a monster too. I suppose you want to survive so I suppose you don’t ever think about what the thing you consume went through. Did anyone ask if they wanted to cease all functioning, to die in such a state, to even be consumed. I wonder about all those cattle trapped in a field. Did anyone ask them if they wanted to be locked up their entire life, without having a tour of this world. Did anyone ask the fish if they wanted to be caught and face extinction. I suppose eating is part of the food chain however why does human desire, greed overwhelm oneself. I’m not any better. I too eat because I like to be nourished. Yet I always seem to battle myself. I hate humans, most of all I hate myself, I am disgustingly human.
I’m so sick of the ruination of the Earth. I do want to help the Earth but I am a contradiction of myself. I contribute of the carbon emissions the fatal destruction, etc.
I wanted to be a hero, yet I soon understood what “hero” meant. Nothing of a kind can be one, for “heroes” don’t exist in this reality. You’re a hero in a crisis but a “murderer” in the “peace”.
I despise myself, yet I love myself too dearly. I am so sick of myself. I am scum. I am a failure. I am disgustingly human.
I wear too much of a mask.”Friends” call me their friend, yet I know of their inner workings or I supposed I just only scratched their surface layer to understand that you people are lying bastards. You don’t think of me as your “friend”. I never had what people called a “friend”.
When did I become this way? Was it when I understood my own reality? Or was it when I seemed to understand my surrounding?
I suppose what I want to achieve is to escape the mundane. The mundane of life. I want to seek thrills But what thrills do I seek? However, I know that the extraordinary will become the ordinary, and this cycle will continue, it will keep rotating until I escape. But when will I escape.
I am weak and pathetic.
Oh my, oh my. Woe is me.
5 comments
Your not the only one I think the same way
So the dilemma does run deep
“My parents gave birth to me, without my consent” has to be the best thing I’ve ever read (by all means I feel the same).
If I could chose, I would certainly not agree to be born into this world with such ridiculous circumstances. Unfortunately, to be born isn’t a choice, which makes everything forced.
I feel the exact same way as you do.
Choose*