there were so many times when suicide seems so tempting
numerous times i was pondering on ending my life,
ending all of my misery
but i’m too scared of the pain.
there were times..
i was thinking,
what would happen if i crash myself across a passing car or truck?
would i die?
would it hurt?
what would happen if i cut my wrist with a razor?
was it gonna hurt?
would i die from the blood loss??
what would happen if i hung myself in a tree using a rope?
will the rope choking me to death?
what would happen if i jump from the rooftop?
would i broke a bone or two?
would my skull be broken too??
what would happen if i drown myself in the river?
would the stream pulled me down under water?
what would happen if i swallowed a handful of painkiller?
would be the pain gone?
but i was just thinking, never really trying
i always chickened out to do so
because i’m too much of a coward.
7 comments
You’re not a coward. I think you just have more going on than you realize.
I agree…you are not a coward. There’s something to be said for self-preservation. 🙂 I’m not an expert, but for what it’s worth, most of the instances you mention will either most likely not kill you, be very painful, or both.
1. If you flipped or it was a small car v. a double-decker bus.
2. If you cut deep enough and were in the bath.
3. If you dropped far enough and the rope was knotted right.
4. If you jumped from more than 500 meters.
5. If you were anchored down.
6. A handful is not enough. If you are drunk and have taken an anti-vomiting pill.
I didn’t know they made anti vomiting pills ?
Antihistamines or antiemetics. Had I known to take those during my suicide attempt it would have been 2 weeks of agony instead of one night of vomiting.
All these methods can potentially kill you. All of them can potentially not. The human body is surprisingly difficult to break.
You’re just not ready to die. I think there’s something more for you to do here. It doesn’t make you weak, that’s suggesting that successful suicide is brave. THAT’S when everyone else thinks you were a coward, and you’ll be too dead to argue.
If you continue down this path the time will come when the desire outweighs the fear. And you’ll make a big impact on someone between now and then. You’ll just not be there to witness the improvement you made if you go through with it.
We’re all cowards, but the brave thing is facing the demons every day when we get out of bed.