It’s been a long time. I thought I was doing better however I have not been better I’ve just been drowning my thoughts with liquor. Dumbass, I was cut free for three months yet tonight I decided it was the only way to relieve the pain. I hurt I hate I am just done. I can’t keep going on like this. I currently have the face of a monster, many ask what happened? I truthfully have no idea I’m just bruised and battered all over my face and have no idea where the bruises and markings came from (thanks jack Daniels) but I won’t blame the liquor for my problems because the liquor doesn’t poor itself down my throat I choose to drink it and I’m an idiot. A self loathing fool who will never learn. Why am I even making this post? I don’t know. Cause I’m at my wits end. Cause I can’t find the strength to carry on. Cause I’m just done feeling this way. Well thanks for reading. Until next time. Hope you’re all ok.
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4 comments
Sorry to hear life is unbearably hard. But I understand. It is good see you on here again ’85.
Thanks a1957. Probably why we’re all still here life is unbearable but we all understand that cause most of us feel it. I just wish it would get easier. Or at least a little better.
Compulsions are tricky. We can see the harm they do to us, that they often make our situations worse, but they’re the only way we’ve learned to deal with feelings that seem intolerable. We make the choices we do because they feel like the only ones available at the time.
I don’t think being hard on yourself helps. Self-loathing just increases the pain you feel you have to escape. I think the only thing that might help is learning a more effective way to respond to that pain. I hope I find that some day. I hope you do too.
Thanks husk. means a lot. I’ve been trying I surround myself with happy people feeling that would make me happy but it backfires cause I’m not good with people.