“Be assertive! Be confident! Stand up for yourself!”
Why do you always take things back once I say them? I’m just trying to do what you ask me to do. I understand that I probably did it wrong, but you were the one who told me to do it. I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were lying.
Now you all hate me. Now you’re all conspiring against me and I don’t blame you.
I ruined that shit, though. “Oh look at me, I’m going to talk shit behind your back because I’m pathetic.” How dare I seek sympathy. I deserve to feel like shit.
My politesse will get me nowhere now.
Now I’ve been exposed as the shithole I am. I deserve to have the shit kicked out of me. Why won’t you fucking say something? Why won’t you tell me you hate me?! You had no problem doing it before! I can’t hate you now! I can’t say anything anymore! Beat the shit out of me if you care so goddamn much!
You never liked me. Here’s your chance to crucify me. Nobody will stop you now. In fact, you’ll be cheered on. It was not right of me to criticize you.
I accept the guilt. I just wish it would end at some point. Guess I’ll just add this to the wall of unforgivable mistakes I’ve made, right between hating my mother and that misinterpreted sentence. Just because I didn’t mean for it to happen doesn’t make me any less guilty. Guilt is objective.
It’s the one unchanging thing I will always be able to cling to like the needy, dependent ***** I am.
1 comment
There’s not a person who’s never said or done anything stupid or made a mistake..
And there’s a difference between talking about a situation and talking behind someone’s back. Whatever happened, I think there’s a good chance it can pass.
I think you’re too hard on yourself. “Unforgivable mistakes”… Intent matters, so misinterpretation should hardly apply. Parents don’t always do everything that’s best for their kids.
And if guilt is objective, I think you claim too much.