Have you felt like you can just never do anything right? All you want is to make something right but every time you try, it only gets messier?
I have been like that for a while now. Iam far from being a ” normal person”. Everyone wants to mould me into someone they need. And yet I try, only so that I could feel accepted for once. Feel loved for once. And guess what happens?
Everything I think I have something or someone, I only end up losing them.
Everyone seem to need me once in a while and every time, I ask for an ounce of care, Iam made to seem like a selfish, self centered ,horrible person. Am I really the monster everyone claims me to be?
My night terrors and nervous breakdowns only seem to escalate.
Only if I could go back and make it all right. Just go back and make them see what they did too.But they say, it’s not their fault. According to them, I choose to be this way. I choose to be broken.
Really?Though I genuinely wish I was given a choice. Maybe I could choose to be “happy” for once.
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Yes. The feeling is too true. No matter what I do, who I legitimately try to help…it just always feels unappreciated and probably made everything worse. At least for me.
I don’t see myself at any point in the future and it’s scary. I can’t continue what I am doing now…that is a very depressing thought. But anything I try to do about it seems to take the opposite effect. I’m exhausted from trying.
I completely relate.
They make you seem like you made a mistake by trying to help at all.. Like it’s your fault, that everything is messed up now.
I relate to you. Because the control you usually have is lost.. I mean the kind of control you need to possess for your own good is lost. And it breaks you eventually.
“According to them, I choose to be this way. I choose to be broken.” – I hear this everyday. Hurts.
Especially from the unexpected ones? The ones you thought would understand? Their words hurt the most right?
Uhm.. I don’t let anyone get close to me except for my Mom. And she says I chose to be broke. I mean, does that even make any sense? Yet she has been more supportive than anyone else on earth I’m grateful to her.
When everyone else said I made stupid choices and bad decisions, I wonder how brilliant they must be to make right decisions every single F’ing time to end up in a lifeless rut judging others.
@nutjobcantlove
Uhh. Is that her advising you or..?
Unfortunately enough, though we say nobody else matters, at the end of the day, somewhere in our head they do. Their opinions do. As fucked up as they are, we end up thinking about it and doubting our own self.
That’s so very true. I don’t care about what others think of me but when someone comments about my situation (even if it’s not offensive) I get offended and lose my mind. I can’t sleep that night and I get anxious and talk to myself like I don’t have a control over it. It sucks.
I can relate. The voices in the head don’t stop at all. They scream and shout. They gnaw me on the inside until I want to tear my hair off. There are literally days when I can’t sleep and I have to calm myself down so that I don’t lose control and take out that frustration on something else.