I can’t focus today. I can’t focus most days. I have so much work to do but my brain is just clouded right now. I started working at 4 AM. Couldn’t sleep as usual. Even my trusted Benadryl failed me last night. I did get some work done but I hit the wall at 8 AM. In between work and meetings I come here to see how everyone is doing. If you made it here you’re probably not doing all that great, I suppose. I hope that someday in the future we can all post something positive. I would love to have something good happen in my life that I could share. Sadly, I have nothing good to say at the moment.
I’m always amazed at how anxiety/depression wreaks havoc on you mentally and physically. Depression clouds my mind. Exhausts my body. Anxiety triggers constant migraines and makes my stomach churn. I feel sea sick even though I’m a 100 miles from the nearest ocean. I can’t think, I can’t concentrate. Honestly I’m not sure how I’ve managed to get all of the work done that I have over the last several decades. One of the biggest and most difficult projects that I ever had was completed while I was in a breakdown state where I could barely get out of bed most days. Somehow I pushed on and finished the work. I find some comfort in knowing that even in the deepest pits of hell I can somehow manage to do what I have to do even though it takes every fiber of my being.
So it’s back to work. Another day of migraines. Another day of waiting for my realtor to call and say that she found the perfect house for me. Another day of having to look both ways when leaving my house as not to run into some drug addict or some human piece of garbage lingering in my yard and triggering my already heightened anxiety. I need to focus. Work is all that I have and it has to get done. The day will come when the clouds finally part and I can see the sun again. I know something good is going to come my way. The problem is patience and time. I have little of both. Focus on work and only work. Please just get me through one more day.
6 comments
Wow. You’ve really helped me out. Thank you.
I think your one tough bastard, to be honest. You have so…many…distractions…too…much…crap. No damn wonder you have anxiety. I’M stressing listening to all the sh1t that YOU have to deal with! 🙂
You can’t keep that emotional pace up. I doubt you can delegate anything, so I won’t suggest it. But if you can, go for it…
I think you need to carve out a little slice of time for you. Do whatever the hell makes you happy. No phone calls (unless someone’s dying). A little “sc15223 time” to recharge. Yes, you have no time, I know. Try scheduling into your day. I think you could really use it.
…and that should be “*you’re really on tough bastard…”.
Thanks Photo…I appreciate your advice. You are correct that I need some “me” time but I’ve lost interest in everything. I feel like until I move I’m in this immobile trapped state. Does that make sense?
Hell yes. Baby steps. You might have to literally force yourself to get up & out, especially at first. If you can be somewhat consistent about it, you may feel better in time and actually look forward to doing stuff.
Well for your sake i hope some good news comes your way. Maybe u should up the dose on benadryl, or take melatonin. And if u dont want to wait on a realtor, check out zillow, its a good site to look for a place to rent/buy. Itd be so nice if i had good things to report cuz i always sound like a debbie downer, but i have yet to have anything good happen to me :-p hope u have a good day at work!
Thank you Ellen and you are right. I have been checking Zillow. If I had checked it a day earlier I would have had a chance at a really nice house but I’m always late to the damn party. Now I’m going to check it everyday a few times a day. My realtor is really good and a friend of the family but she can’t be everywhere at once. I hope you feel better today too. You deserve a break.