So I figured this out finally, what’s been nagging me. I thought I wasn’t sure if I wanted to die, and I thought that’s what was bothering me, but it wasn’t that. You see it’s that I do want to kill myself, but for my current situation it’s not okay to do that. I would be totally in the wrong. So I basically want someone to comfort me and tell me it’s okay to do that.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
23 comments
It’s messing with my head, I have this thing I really want to do but I know it’s wrong, and I’m hoping by some miracle that I’ll either be shown that it’s okay or that it will just easily happen for me. But I don’t think that will ever happen.
I am just so tired and I never wanted to be here, this was all some horrible mistake. I’m just asking the universe to help me out.
Please.
Once you die. It’s over. No redos, no second chances, Live if you want. There is no pressure to die. It’s your life!!
Thank you, you make some good points my friend. My problem is that I want to die, I don’t want my life.
You have a desire to die. It’s probably the only desire you have in your life right now. You don’t care or want anything else except this. Like the above comment says, once it’s done it’s over. No 2nd chances. Are you really sure this is what you want? I don’t think the universe will help you, just like the universe won’t help you with anything other problems in your life. It’s your decision to make to die or not. You can’t shrug that off to someone or something else. You have to firstly be comfortable with this decision. As I far as you I can tell, you’re not happy to take the decision to die as you’re seeking approval from elsewhere. So don’t do it. Once you you’re comfortable with your decision you won’t need to ask anyone or tell anyone. So right now my friend, please don’t do it as your unsureness tells me that dying is not what you actually want.
P. S. Your handle is “I would rather not” – “there lies the answer to what you seek. So don’t! 🙂
I appreciate your sentiment
It’s very complicated but I do appreciate you’re thoughtful response, you’re a good person
Right and wrong are artificial constructs. The Universe doesn’t care if you do or don’t do anything. The Universe doesn’t care if the Earth blows up, if you look after homeless puppies, or if you kill yourself.
It’s what you want, and it’s up to you to decide if anything is right or wrong.
We could tell you what you want to hear, but it’s irrelevant. You decide. We can only offer our opinions or point to scientific evidence, but we can’t make any decisions for you.
If you want to die, then you’ll have to make it happen. Even in countries with assisted suicide and euthanasia, you still have to do something to make it happen. If you want to live, then you’ll have to make that happen, too.
In the end, when the Universe radiates its last beam of energy into the ether, life will be gone. It won’t matter to anyone what you did or didn’t do, because noone will be left to recall. Decide for yourself if you want to carry on in this existence, and see what lies in store, or to bow out early on your own terms and find out what happens next.
Whatever you decide, should be for you, not for anyone else. Everyone will die eventually, so don’t worry about what will happen to others, because we’re all on the same finite road. Unless you want to worry, then do. It really doesn’t matter except to you.
Wiser word’s have never been spoken. Seconding this.
Thank you, that’s a really good way to look at it actually. I know that I want to, I know I do. The only thing holding me back is that I feel guilty putting my family through that.
I see. Yes, guilt is a powerful force.
There are different ways you could look at guilt and this particular situation.
Your family will have to deal with your death eventually. Serious illness, mental/physical disability can be harder, because they can be protracted and demanding for others to deal with.
Living with suffering because of someone else’s desires is not much of a reason to do so. We euthanise pets, we help terminally ill people with terminal dehydration and such. Just because someone else doesn’t see it or live it, doesn’t make your suffering or ambivalence any less than someone with cancer or a sick dog.
Your family will cope, or they won’t. Does it matter? Eventually their lives in this Universe will be concluded, one way or another, and then they will meet the next step, whatever that may or may not be. It will be a finite experience, whatever happens to them.
I find it interesting how family can be so absent until someone dies or becomes seriously ill (physical or mental). It’s more about their discomfort with your absence than your own comfort with your entire life.
Food for thought, maybe. I struggle with my own guilt, and reconciling that with my belief in its irrelevance. I can’t suggest how to reconcile it, but do encourage you to consider being more selfish. You’re the one who lives your life, good and bad parts all, noone else.
*shrugs*
I really like this, and yes that’s really the only thing holding me back. My family is good people and I hate the idea of my mom crying, and the sadness and anger I might leave behind.
But I really like how you think, you made a really good point about how we deal with suffering. If it’s an animal that we love, and their lives will be more suffering than not, we let them die, and they can’t even tell us if that’s what they want or not. We just assume it’s the most humane thing to do. But still with humans, who can speak for themselves, we’re so conflicted.
Elixir has some good points, but I disagree that suicide would be easier for your family to cope with than a protracted illness or disability. A friend of mine is blind and is a lot happier and well adjusted than I am. Her loss would not be any easier for her family to bear than my family for mine. As for protracted illness, it has been my experience that the duration and scope of the illness itself actually assists in one’s being able to cope with the loss, having had the time to make peace, say their I love you’s, and relief at the end of suffering.
Still, points well taken. I am suffering guilt as well. My mother is very elderly. She doesn’t want me to go, but I think she understands that I need to. Or not. Either way, I’m going.
I get that countdown, I feel like so many people here are in the same boat. This is gonna sound really morbid but I have considered at least waiting for my parents to die to do it, but I am assuming that is a looooong way away and I don’t know if I can make it. But everyday I try to stay a little longer.
iwrnot: I do the math regularly, if parental unit is X age, then the spousal unit will be y age, and i’ll be too far gone to help anyone. It’s gonna be soon. I can’t wait much longer. There are siblings to tend the parent and family to tend the spouse. Assuaging guilt isn’t cutting it as a reason to stay.
countdown, I think about that as well :/ I really don’t like thinking about what I would be like in the future either, it’s not a pretty picture at all.
Ah this post, your comments, iwouldrathernot, is the exact position I am in right now too. It’s an odd position. But what happens after your string of life is cut doesn’t matter. Loved ones will be in grief, but they will recover whenever they decide to move on, including your family. Death is natural so do it or don’t do it on your own terms
I feel like some things people just can’t ever get over. I know I have things I still never got past, that changed me. And I am concerned about some of thier mental health, and I wouldn’t want to contribute to making anything worse. But just overall, I dunno it’s hard. I wish it was simple for us.
Do you have KIK or something? Do you want to chat?
iamapersob
Wait I think that’s a different thing let me check, I have a kik. This is my email if you do still want to talk at all: thenewrealiwouldrathernot@yahoo.com