I can’t do this anymore. There is no amount of help in the world that could fix me. I’m completely broken. How is it fair that I am forced to survive in a world that I never asked to be brought into? How is it fair that others assume I’m selfish for considering suicide because it would hurt them, when I’m the one who’s in pain? Isn’t it selfish to guilt trip me into staying alive, just to keep everyone else happy? I’m sick of everyone telling me not to do drugs. Not to self harm. That happiness is a choice. Nobody understands. Everyone says they’re there for me, and that they are going to help me through this but no one is here. I am all alone. However in saying that, there is nothing that could possibly help or fill this empty void inside of me.
I know everyone is sick of me, I can feel it. The only reason they lie to me with trying to convince me that they care is so that I won’t end it all. So that they won’t feel guilt. But what they don’t understand is that no amount of ‘support’ could change me. It might make me feel better temporarily, but not in the long run.
1 comment
I will not be another to say “I’m there for you.” But I’ll definitely be an ear to your thoughts, as I’m an ear to other peoples’ thoughts here on SP too … even though it’s been awhile. But if I might share something –
I think all things are relevant. ‘Whatever’ one person may see as insignificant or a phase in life to push through trials of hardship may be seen in a completely different light within another person. When you kill yourself you also kill a piece of those around you who really do love you – but when you’re suicidal and seeing that ‘whatever’ (from above) as a life or death situation, it really isn’t all that easy to understand or believe that someone loves you – let alone the concept of love itself sometimes. Anyone involved in your life and your troubles falls on that spectrum of relevance. Maybe some of them aren’t where you are at and cannot understand the things you are thinking in your head. However the same thing can be said of you towards what they’re thinking in their heads too…..Anyways, I think it’s important for everyone to realize where they’re at along this spectrum in this moment of crisis/troubles.
And for the record, guilt tripping absolutely blows and I completely feel you on that issue. I used to tell someone: “I would die if you take your life.’ But now that person is dead and “I’m to shy to commit suicide.”