I was a good kid, “was” until I got to experience the so called loss of a father not a regular loss by cause of death it is one of the few things I’ll never forget.
Leaving without a trace, Me and my mom tried to find him. Using every resource we got. Money, people in the higher ups etc. My mom finally moved on with her life.
But nobody knew i was stuck in that spiral not knowing if i should continue or not.
It was right there and then. That shitstorms always came my way. I became aloof, got into fights and would rather skip class than go and study. I became lazy. Depression ate my slowly and i didn’t have a choice in the end but let it eat me. Slowly.
I was devastated by the following events shortly after I lost my father. My uncle beating me into a bloody mess when he’s drunk. Traumatized me and I said to myself i hate people and everyone around me. I learned how to fight back and i became disrespectful to adults it was being the normal to me, like all the bad things i do is normal now.
At this point in my life I am currently 19 years old and I am now deciding that ending things at 20 years old makes enough sense. I want to end the disappointments and all the pain i give to my family.
“It’s when you wish everything was over that your view in life changes drastically.”
The countdown will begin. Sleeping in 10/24/17.
4 comments
Sending you love. It sounds like you’ve had a hard time. Maybe you just need a fresh start? If you have family somewhere else maybe you can move and start fresh and be who you want to be. I know sometimes it seems like we don’t have choices. I’m sorry that things feel unbearable right now. I wish you the best.
It’s sad that those things are much better left unsaid. i do wish all the stuff is just that easy.
I know you said you searched all options, but seeing that you’re going to kill yourself and all, why not pull out all the stops and go hunt him down yourself? Make it your final goal in life, to find him, confront him and ask him wtf was he thinking. Seems like a worthwhile purpose in life. Document everything and they might make a movie about you one day. More important, you might learn something so big that you’ll be happy you stuck around to learn it.
I’ve already pulled all the stops and all the stops has left me wondering why can’t i finish anything.
I tried starting all over again and trying to find worth in stuff that i like but that just doesn’t seem to be working anymore. I bought myself a couple of sleeping pills and would probably use it in the near future. There is nothing happy anymore about this miserable conditions.