First I would like to thank ‘deadstop’ for giving me a new perspective which bring me to this post. What is home? Is it a place to store your shit so you can get more shit –George Carlin. Is it a temporary place to sleep until you move on to a new place? Is it a permanent residence that you stay in forever? Honestly I’m not sure at this point. I love the concept of “home” as a sanctuary that allows you to block out the real world. The concept that it is a safe, warm place where you can relax. I love being at home so much that I work from home. I love my house but it is no longer a home…and that makes me cry.
My home used to be an oasis. A tiny home in a tiny neighborhood next to a big, bustling city. I could enter the chaos of the city knowing I had sanctuary near by but no more. The filth of the city is beginning to infect my neighborhood like a cancer. Drug dealers and garbage with no respect for anything because they don’t care. They don’t care about the little old ladies that have lived here since childhood so they stomp though there flower garden. They don’t care about the nice old man who keeps his lawn so perfect as they throw trash around. All they want to do is infect. Like a virus they spread. The little old ladies won’t be here forever. The little old man has few years to live. The human garbage lurks in the night waiting to infest the homes of people that once held precious memories.
So begins a new journey, my friends. My quest to get back to my roots. My quest to find a simple home in my tiny home town. I’m taking a huge risk…and I’m scared. Currently I can work from home but if that changes, and I’m living in my tiny home town, finding a job will be difficult and I will have to travel no matter where the job may be. What if I move and my neighbor is an awful person? Do I move again? In my home town the biggest crime is jaywalking so even if my neighbor sucks at least he won’t be a criminal.
My entire life has been a comedy of errors. Every decision that I have made, outside of work, has been dead wrong. I’m afraid to make decisions at this point but in this case I have no choice. Maybe I have just been here too long. Going on 18 years now. Most of those years have been good but times change. People change. I’ve changed. When I traveled back to my home town last weekend to view a home I felt a relief being there. The home I viewed needed too many updates for the price so I passed. Maybe my decision making process is getting better.
At this point I’ve made up my mind. I’m going back home. As a young man I couldn’t wait to leave…funny how this world twists and turns. It may be a bad decision to move but I feel it’s a bad decision to stay. All I ask is that this one decision…this one single decision…in a perpetual vacuum of wrongs actually goes right.
4 comments
Hey sc, thanks for the shout out! We must be living parallel lives (tragedies) because I really relate your posts and your attitude of trying to win, despite a lifetime of losses. I’m also very torn about the concept of “home”. I once thought life in the city was my ultimate goal because it seemed so alive, but you’re right about the infection of crime and filth. Small towns can be equally oppressive if you end up surrounded by neighbors who suck. Your solution is probably the smartest one, go back to your familiar turf where you know the people well enough that you’re not threatened. Then you can visit the city or travel all you want, knowing you have a safe place to come back to. I’ve never owned a home, and the longest I ever lived in one place was 4 years. I hate that I’ve never felt the security of home, but maybe that’s a realistic goal I can set for myself. Here on this site I’ve seen a lot of people who are (or who are afraid of being) homeless. I think that ties in with what you’re saying. There’s something important about having that security, and if you lose it everything can fall apart fast.
Hey Deadstop. I think people like us do live parallel lives in a matter of speaking. Are we just destined to lose in the game of life? I don’t want anything special, just a peaceful place to rest me head. We will fight on my friend. Please keep reading my posts because you always seem to have a reply that makes me feel a bit better about life.
My older aunt moved from her house to an apartment because her neighborhood became “infected”. It’s just not safe anymore. She now lives comfortably in her apartment because she could afford a really nice place that has other senior citizens. Basically, like the most expensive senior type of living area.
My father is in the process of moving now because his oasis became infected too. There is an abandoned house next door that caused people to start squatting there and it’s dangerous. He found beautiful property in the country. It looks like a dream home! A nice area in the woods, plenty of land. I can’t wait to visit. I need an escape from my environment.
Make a move and find another place. You’ll be happier.
Thank you so much Broken. That truly gives me hope. It just seems to have happened so quickly but it didn’t happen quickly. I just didn’t want to believe it could happen to the place I love so dearly. Get out there and see your father…I promise he misses you 🙂