October 21st, 2017 by quaero

I’m in the make or break position. I can go back to “their way”. or I can keep trudging on mine. Any sane person would take theirs hands down. There are millions of students preparing years after years for the jobs i left. If I had a clear mind in the beginning i would’ve saved seats for at least 2 of them. Why do I hate society so much? Social structures are dead and i just cannot endure being bound. I have zero problem in the specifics. if a ‘social person’ comes specifically to me to talk about a specific thing i would have zero hesitation in speaking to him. these jobs are child’s play. it’s the sugar coating i hate, its the meaningless compulsory morning greetings i hate, its the beginning and ending of conversation which for them is the easiest part but for me is the hardest. Above all, it’s the web of societal structure and societal rituals/ideas that’s filled in their mind to brim. It makes them so dead for me. They can’t hear, they can’t listen my voice as long as their mind is jammed in it. and it is very rusty. i’m a soft spoken person. i can’t bang in their ears or speak in authoritative voice to make them understand (for some reason they understand very easily that way.) They aren’t worth it anyway. If a person can’t understand reasoning or ethics and the only way to get the thing in his head is to either make him fear or to show him some selfish benefit then there is no point.

I still feel bad for leaving my parents, even though they did so much wrong to me. That’s what culture does to you. western people will not understand it. but then i never feel bad for not having a partner or never kissing a girl or things like that while i see so many posts here with this being the central reason of their depression. That’s what culture does to you.

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