Its not like this is new – not like I haven’t felt it before.. but every time, it feels like I’m slipping away, further from the light, further from help – if there is any. I tried to do it last summer – I couldn’t go through with it, couldn’t let go. So now, night after night, tear stained pillows, stuffy noses and an unquenchable longing for someone else to be beside me fills me with sorrow and despair. So much good when I was little, so many bad things happened to me in the three relationships I had. They bled me dry of all the good – and now, here I am – what’s left of me… a shattered, broken shell… alone and empty
I just want to sleep and never wake up – every night I pray – Please take me now – I’m ready to go… And every morning – the cycle repeats.
I’m so tired, so hurt, so sad, so finished. Can someone please make it stop? Please?
4 comments
Hi Katki, I’m sorry that people have brought you to this point. Were these abusive relationships, and are you free now? I think if you were good before, then it’s possible to reconnect with that. Not easy, just possible. I myself am searching for that path. you’re right, the damage done by others can seem impossible to mend. But if you think of a tree that has been struck by lightning, if it survives, it will find a way to grow straight again. I think we can do that also, but unlike a tree we have our brains which sabotage us.
No one can make it stop but you!
on the heights of despair, i feel no need to cry or lament, for i understand how pointless that is
Yes, abusive relationships that I am no longer involved in.
I’ve been out for about 13 years now – but my life is frozen. I can’t move on. I’m so broken, I can’t seem to put the pieces of me back together. It hurts because I don’t want to be like this – I want to have a good, long lasting relationship with someone that actually gives a damn about me – but I can’t find him. And the years don’t stop rolling by, and I just keep laying there, unable to move, unable to get up, unable to live again.