Let me start out by saying that I am new to this site, and I’m not quite sure what it is I want to get out of it. I think mainly that I never get the opportunity to talk to like minded people. I have never talked to anyone that felt similar to the way I feel. I was desperately trying to find someone who felt the same way I do about life, and I ended up here. It seems like a lot of people feel the same way I do after all.
In short, I feel as if life is pointless.
I have a great life; an amazing boyfriend and a loving family. I am a decent looking 20 year old women who, I am told, is very skilled at art. I have everything I could ever want, I’m not wealthy but I don’t value money at all.
Yet I still cry nearly every night as I stare at the corner of my ceiling, “another day waisted,” I tell myself. I have felt this way literally as long as I can remember. To me it as if everyone is ignoring the reality that we are living in. The fact that everything is pointless, life is finite and death is inevitable. everyone tells you to just ignore it, but I feel worse when I try pretending that death doesn’t exist.
people have told me a thousand times, “The meaning of life is whatever you make it,” or “the meaning of life is to find your own happiness.” I just don’t find much value in those statements, they might work for some people but they don’t work for me. these thoughts are the main thing that leads me to think about suicide, no matter what I end up thinking about, no matter what I end up doing I always end up unmotivated, because why bother when nothing matters anyway.
I just don’t know what to do about anything anymore. Maybe some of you feel just as lost as I do.
9 comments
Well, I hope you do get a chance to talk to people who feel similarly to you. And I’m certainly not saying there’s anything wrong with how you feel…but I’m afraid I personally feel almost the exact opposite. To me, life is full of meaning. There’s plenty of point to living. Unfortunately, I’ve completely failed at doing what that point requires.
If you’re trying to get from Los Angeles to New York, but your car breaks down in Pomona, it won’t help a whole lot to say “The trip had so much of a point to it!” In fact, the more of a point there is, the worse it is when you fail. I definitely, definitely, definitely don’t have everything I could ever want.
Maybe I shouldn’t feel this way, but sometimes I envy all those people who think life is pointless. It seems like there must be so much less of a burden on them…like they can do whatever they please. Based on what you’re saying, I guess I’m wrong. Feeling that life is pointless is pretty bad, I guess, though it’s almost impossible for me to imagine what that must be like.
Well, I know this probably isn’t very helpful to you, but maybe hearing a different perspective can help just a TINY bit.
Where you at now? Maybe I could go for another road trip coco.
This is similar to how I sometimes envy disabled people. I feel that they must feel so much less guilt for wasting life than I do. Good to see similar thoughts written by somebody else.
I think that the different view point is pretty insightful, although I doubt we are as different as you think, at least from my understanding. We both had goals for our lives, meanings and standards we pushed onto ourselves. you failed in achieving your meaning of life, whatever that was to you, and you feel depressed because of it. I thought the meaning of life was to be happy, and I achieved that goal just to find out that it didn’t satisfy anything to me.
you are at the bottom of a mountain, cursing at it because as hard as you try you know you can never climb it.
I am at the top of a mountain, and there is nothing here; no view, no happiness, just nothing.
well thats how I interpreted your comment at least, very interesting to read about someone going through a different but related problem.
Simple anti depressant might sort you out. Try some simple shit. something like cymbalta. Pretty good. Go for a walk every day. Do something out of the ordinary. Sleep in a tent. Climb a tree. Fuck your boyfriend in a different position. Maybe upside down. Mix it up yanno.
Thoreau, I think I know how you feel. I definitely can’t stand hearing “The meaning of life is to find your own happiness” (Jack the Ripper sounded pretty happy in his letters) and “the meaning of life is whatever you make it” (I currently make it nothing, so I guess it’s true that there is no meaning to life). I think both those statements are copouts. Like when a therapist tells you “I can’t help you unless you help yourself!” (fine and dandy but that means people who can’t help themselves are screwed. Next patient, please).
I would love concrete answers, or even educated guesses, on what the purpose is in living. Because when you reach a point like you’ve described, where your situation is safe and you’re not distracted by survival needs, it’s inevitable that you wonder “I figured out how to live. So now why am I living?”
All I can say is sometimes I experience small moments where I just get a feeling that I did something to justify my existence. Helping people usually gives me that feeling. Helping animals ALWAYS gives me that feeling. You mentioned art. Creating things sometimes gives me that feeling (but only if the creation has a point). None of this answers the ultimate question of why we should live, but I feel like these small moments remind me that life can have meaning for a short while. Maybe if you string enough of the small moments together, it’ll add up to a full life.
Finally! Someone understands those thoughts. I feel the exact same way. I am as lost as u. Life is pointless. There is no higher purpose or purpose at all to me anyway. I have no purpose. This quote rings truth, but not for me. “The most fortunate people on earth are those who have found a calling that’s bigger than they are—that moves them and fills their lives with constant passion, aliveness, and growth.” —Richard Leider. I too have a great life. Just a normal life like thousands of others. There is no point in me living anymore. I have already found happiness, I am already ok enough to die already. I’m just living a normal life, one that is too similar to millions of others, that I have become an obsolete individual. There are 7.5 billion of people, and everyone says we are all unique. Sure, just like snowflakes. But thousands of people around u are usually living the same. Millions have gone to school, college, raised a family, done this and done that. The number 1000 is already large enough that if there was at least a 1000 that has done this or has that disorder or whatever it may be, you are not special. A very small amount has actually changed the world. They start movements, but if u are in the movement as a mass, then u are just one tiny little raindrop of 100,000 other ones. There’s no point in joining as one more can do nothing. Changing one’s life is pointless. Creating relationships is pointless, as your normality is a thousand other’s normality, but also your uniqueness is exactly like thousands of other’s uniqueness. Think about it, there’s too much humans in the world, 1% actually are changing the world and making it different, while the other 99% are copying each other, doing small things that are pointless to the big picture. We are replaceable, we are pointless. We are just numbers and are completely nothing if not part of something bigger. But we can only just add ourselves as one tiny raindrop to the ocean of whatever u are joining. Everything I do is what thousands of others before have already done. Life is an experience, but there’s no point for me to experience it. We are just books in the largest library ever. Only a very small handful is worth reading. The others are too similar to even be touched. The only thing that makes us feel “special” is love, but everyone loves, Love is the most common thing, and everyone dies, everyone grieves, everyone says u are special, but in reality, in the big picture, u are nothing. Love creates specialty. But love isn’t rare or special. It’s common. Even if u are destined to do something great, u are still not special. We can cause ripples or be part of the ripple. But there is already thousands of ripples. Life is pointless and death is inevitable. “Make the most of the time u are given” they say, but why? Why live the experience, when millions of others have already. Why make a family? Why do anything? I’ve tried a few attempts at suicide and these thoughts plus more has gotten me into depression. I’ve felt this so early that I messed up my own life. Not badly as others, but I don’t see a point in doing anything anymore for myself. Or getting out of bed. I just do stuff for others now. Stripping myself from everything but the necessities of daily life to live. But I don’t do anything for myself anymore. I don’t need to progress and succeed. I do cry every other day, and I wish someone else had this life, to achieve greatness of a normal life like a lot of others. I wasn’t meant for this body with this mind. I’m not nearly as tragic as I may ever seem. But I do want to die if life is pointless. Depression is a familiar feeling and the only one that makes sense. It accepts the fact that life is pointless
being special has always been a goal of mine, but now I understand how truly impossible it is and it’s a huge cause of my depression.
I used to pretend I was an alien, and that brought me a lot of comfort really. I would imagine that everyone was trying to poison me and kill me. my imagination was my escape, I would constantly try to trick myself into thinking I was different.
I thought there was an answer in love to. I thought “at least I could be special to someone,” but I am not really special. I am replaceable. my boyfriend could have ended up dating anyone really.
I wanted to impact the world, I wanted to inspire people like the way Thoreau inspires me, but I will never be able to do anything that grand, and even if I did it wouldn’t matter. everyone is inevitably forgotten in the grand scheme of time.
depression is acceptance, the opposite of ignorance. the truth hurts.
I understand your feelings very well, glad I am not alone.
My experience has led me to the thought that there is no after life, no God, no soul, no spirit, no heaven, no hell and no reincarnation. I won’t go into all the years of mental gyrations I went through to come to this conclusion, but the simple fact came to me that ‘this is it.’ This one life. This is not a dress rehearsal to learn lessons for the next life. When the life seeps from your body, you’re done. One and Done. Worm food. Your memories go with you unless you’ve written a autobiography. Otherwise.. Hasta la vista, baby. This realization was a slap in the face to wake-the-fuck-up. What are you going to do with this one precious life? Nobody can tell you. It’s up to you.