I want to die

It has been a very long time since I posted in here.

But I really want to cut or hang myself right now , or get a belt and wrap it around my neck until I pass out .

Since I last post I have a wonderful loving boyfriend whos birthday is tomorrow. He his the the only reason why I have not or will off myself.

I have been living with my uncle and aunt for three months. I only came back in town because my boyfriend wanted me back in Chicago. I been home for maybe three weeks.

My mother lies about illnesses for attention and both of my parents are nuts. I been trying to go to work every day its like a life coach of sorts and been trying to make money for my boy friends birthday gift.

I think I only have parents that argues with me about trying to make money trying to pay my own bills.

For two weeks my parents have been fighting with me about it .

I have been killing myself with them all day.  I left my house multiple times and every time I walk back in they start a fight again.  My father keeps throwing my bofreinds name in my face like I have hidden agenda for trying to make money.  Like I’m not 22 year old woman with bills , yes I live with them but I racked up debt and I have a life.

My mother kept saying don’t push father he is gonna make you elope or Mary you off to some one eles.

My boyfriend would rather die then run away and elope . But when I asked why is dad bothering me . she said why has your boyfriend not come around . which has nothing to do with what I am talking about. What dose my boyfriend have to do with me going to work. Because my family made me unblaced with constant fighting . I have miss a lot days and have little to money to buy my boy friend a gift or take him out to dinner. My family have been fighting with me because I’m not investing all my time in to the weddings coming up .

I don’t understand it . I remember why I used to cut myself and lock myself in my room . they seemed happier when I was suicidal and watch then I am now .