It’s never stupid to ask someone how they are doing. I was deeply lonely tonight and looking for companionship. Hiding from life. Doing decently. I don’t come here often. Don’t have the time to park myself here like I used to. Just needed to feel like I wasn’t the only one with a gun in my mouth tonight.
Nothing has changed. Except, and this is the take home message to this sad meatsack’s story, how I react to it has changed. Either live or get dying right? Short of putting a gun in my mouth, living is the only choice. Start living right? I forced myself to change the way I am looking at my life. I can’t change anything. It just can’t happen. Waking up miserable wishing I could hyjack the internet and live there cruising from site to sight hasn’t panned out.
So get busy living right? Forced myself to go camping a shit ton this summer. And hiking. And just ignoring that nothng can change. At least for now. I’ll always drag around this manic clown that pops out at the worst possible times, so I have to just learn to stuff the mania and think twice before I open my trap and ruin my life.
Like the idea of measure twice cut once? Think twice, speak once. So far it is working. I have the majority of folks in my non personal life stonewalled into thinking I’m a responsible, reasonable member of society….
Isn’t that the whole game? Have the majority of folks think you’re a responsible adult while finding a way to keep the manic clowns caged in? Or whatever equivalent we all have inside us.
For what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back to sp. I’m probably the member who’s been on here the longest now, and it gets real sad watching people I liked to talk to come and go again.
8 comments
I haven’t talked to you in a long time, Hazy. Would it be stupid to ask you how you’re doing?
It’s never stupid to ask someone how they are doing. I was deeply lonely tonight and looking for companionship. Hiding from life. Doing decently. I don’t come here often. Don’t have the time to park myself here like I used to. Just needed to feel like I wasn’t the only one with a gun in my mouth tonight.
How goes the battle for you?
You certainly aren’t the only one, and I’m glad you’re here. Well, glad you’re alive, that is. I guess it’s never really good when someone is *here.*
As for me, I’m wrestling with my own beliefs. Which is never fun. It’s the least fun thing I can think of, actually.
Hey Hazy, it’s been such a long time. Missed you. How are you doing?
Nothing has changed. Except, and this is the take home message to this sad meatsack’s story, how I react to it has changed. Either live or get dying right? Short of putting a gun in my mouth, living is the only choice. Start living right? I forced myself to change the way I am looking at my life. I can’t change anything. It just can’t happen. Waking up miserable wishing I could hyjack the internet and live there cruising from site to sight hasn’t panned out.
So get busy living right? Forced myself to go camping a shit ton this summer. And hiking. And just ignoring that nothng can change. At least for now. I’ll always drag around this manic clown that pops out at the worst possible times, so I have to just learn to stuff the mania and think twice before I open my trap and ruin my life.
Like the idea of measure twice cut once? Think twice, speak once. So far it is working. I have the majority of folks in my non personal life stonewalled into thinking I’m a responsible, reasonable member of society….
Short answer? I’m walking forward.
Isn’t that the whole game? Have the majority of folks think you’re a responsible adult while finding a way to keep the manic clowns caged in? Or whatever equivalent we all have inside us.
For what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back to sp. I’m probably the member who’s been on here the longest now, and it gets real sad watching people I liked to talk to come and go again.
So, welcome back!!!
You know that scene where he’s upset after his hair changes color and he turns into a bunch of slime?
I wouldn’t mind doing that.
hi, Hazy.