Last post here, time for a goodbye :’)

  October 11th, 2017 by Urm8451n

-introduction –     This is my last post here, not suicidal though.
I believe I have completed a shift from the young boy I was 4 years ago, to the man I am.
I wanted to share some experiences and conclusions of my travel through agony, happiness, loss, and faith. I wanted to give you other users, the tools I learned, from others.
This shall be a post with my final words to this community.

I have completely ditched social media, removed my accounts from internet sites, stopped playing video games, focused on my own personality, and my family’s health state.
Today I accomplish to sustain a normal life. Although seemingly lonely, they are truly happy and honest life.
I am busy at studying and working – life doesn’t have to be full of “going out/traveling/playing” experiences. Life has to have a meaning, and thus meaning adds to your life, through hard work, lust, need, and fights.

Few advices : I have left social media – it is a lonely place. Now I have a reason to ask for numbers since I want to keep a connection up 😉 .

I have filtered friends by writing down “what a true friend is for me and who deserve that adjective”.

I don’t longer jump to relationship due to compromising and pressure, I’m waiting for the right time to come.

I am spending my spare time and relaxing down (can be with workout/tv/friends etc) or by reading/learning/playing guitar.

I am keeping a healthy diet – I don’t restrict myself, or force myself, and nor harming myself for not following the diet.

When I have a test, I’m studying as for long as I can, and studying the only way I know it is good for me. Listening to my mind.

I’m trying to be a better person to my friends: more supportive, friendly, helpful, listening. Sometimes the knowledge to say “good for you/happy for you” is important for friendships.

We will soon start a new year, so I want to share with you my goals. I’m not waiting for the 1.1.18 to follow my dreams, I’m doing it today.

I shall work to be more happy, smile more – it will make me feel better+ it is more attractive haha.
I will try to be more friendly, and gain more connections of people I care about – not letting off the opportunity to be friends
I will strive for succeeding my engineering studies.
I will transmit more energy to doing useful/coefficients deeds.

I know that the fact I have been caging [ AKA COMFORT ZONE] myself all those years, due to need of making things simpler , has damaged me.
I can blame it on many things/people or even own physical health state. But even if it seems justifying, it is not.

I really didn’t had it easy in life. I cried alot, felt bad, my health isn’t and wasn’t good , but my mind was always fighting.

If you want something, you can earn it. If you want to gain freedom, you can make it.
But you have to make a plan. Not everything is achievable -> any stare has its own cons.

PLEASE don’t do what I did. I used to focus on other’s life . I used to think “argh I wish I was Alex”… ” I wish I was born over the seas” ….
But then I found out that others have their own problems. You might know how to deal with it, but they aren’t. Same goes for you and me, we have problems that we yet learnt how to deal with them.

Growing up/leaving through today’s society is not easy.
Please don’t follow others to the social media/photos/money showing trends.

If you read up to here, I wanted to share I have been suicidal, but it was different than usual.
I was dead inside. I walked for about 10 years with my mind down the drain. I felt I was psychopath – not feeling love, not caring, abusing animals – actually enjoying it, really angry, could murder people and animals but didn’t get the chance to.
I probably was doomed to hospitalization. But something changed, I can’t remember even what, somehow I got back to being normal, and managed to direct my anger toward motivation.

here are my advices for a better life:
– leave social media
– mark down your difficulties
– write a plan to cope with those
– go out more than once a week.
– do something sport-sly related
– share your thoughts and feelings, bad or good
– mark down friends, and not real friends
– know everything is temporary/ seasonally  (ex: friends, spouses, hobbies, studies, leaving with parents etc…)
– if you need a treatment, go get one, and check once a while with few other sources that you are getting the right one! (ex: physical treatment, mental one, studying related… etc)
– procrastination:    gradually set goals, and achieve them. start from the easiest level, go up. if you fall, redo it from the start. It will give you self esteem and feeling of sustaining. and other things….
– sleep problems: Find causes(even few), for stress – breathing, eating right, sport. for other: medications, bearthin…same….
– waking up late: gradually wake up each time earlier than before.
– keeping work place/ social place: learn to deal with other’s needs. this is a tough life lessons, you are not alone. Make friendships it is a must, and it will help you. Go see help (aka professional) to teach you social skills [ fits for autistic] – save money (money is not a goal, but a mean. it is always important and good to have)
– talk to your self : many times you are the best person to help. Talking out loud helps relaxing. almost instantly.
– be honest and brave , if some one bothers you tell him to stop. tell him you don’t like it.
– find your inner voice: go out and play, go online and study new things, go to new fields, find new hobbies, test many different activities.
-lonely treatment: join chat rooms, go online, go to a community center and join to few trips/ what ever.

eventually : write down to yourself a goal or what you lack in life.
Then, write how do you want or think you can achieve it – do some online search.
Go by your means and try to catch that goal.

Nothing in this life is easy. Each day can be a freaking struggle. But remember everything is a finite, if you want or not, you eventually die. SO GOES FOR YOUR PROBLEMS. so goes for leaving with parents, especially important if they are abusing you – IT WILL HAVE AN END.
Mark my words, even if there are 1094 of them 🙁 .

I will give this post a 7 days check up, to answer questions- give advices – say thank you – hear from you – etc….
after that I’m saying good bye.

Notify that I was not born and am not with a golden spoon.
Life, atleast mine, was and is a piece of shit.
The only reason that I’m fighting for something is because I BELIEVE I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

Anyway: Stay strong, be brave,
Yours, Jac.

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