As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I struggle with the thoughts that I am all alone and that everyone would be so much better off without me around anymore. I’m sure there are a few who would miss me for a little while but life goes on. Minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days, days turn into months and months turn into years. Before long, I would be a distant memory. I struggle to fight these thoughts every minute of every day. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trying. I’m only prolonging the agony for everyone who has not left me yet. It’s only a matter of time before they leave too. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can hold on. I am so very afraid. I’ve tried in the past to end it all, and I failed. I couldn’t even do that right. The fear of failing again terrifies me. I don’t know how yet, but I know someday I will succeed and end this pain. I want to crawl further into the darkness and cease to exist. I’m not past the fear of failing yet, but maybe someday I will be strong enough to find peace.
1 comment
We live in fear of others, or what those “others” will think of our action(s). That indicates “feeling” as if we are connected to something. Yet the dark abyss has a cruel fang imbedded into our sole pulling us in……so why do we care. Fighting for what. Nothing. Dam this so called life stuff. We simply don’t wanna do this anymore.