This is stupid. Ignore me. Then again, that’s what everyone does.

  October 19th, 2017 by PurpleK

I just spent an hour trying to work up the courage to go out into my kitchen to make some food. I share accommodation with other people, and I can hear them hanging out in the kitchen. I haven’t eaten a real meal since I got here, on the rare occasions when I’m not too depressed to make the effort, I get too afraid of running into people, or messing something up and having them see it. I guess it’s social anxiety or something. It’s not like they’re mean or anything, they’re nice and they talk to me when I actually manage to leave my room, but they probably think I’m weird or antisocial or rude.

I can hear them form my room, chatting and laughing. The closer they all become, the worse I feel.

I haven’t made many friends on campus either. The few people I’ve been hanging out with seem to have noticed I’m not a people person and are now excluding me too.

The thing is, I can’t decide whenever I want to be alone or with people. When I’m spending time with people, I feel bad because it takes so much effort to keep up with everybody and conversations always seem to die around me. But when I’m alone I’m miserable because I’m failing at being social and normal.

Wow they’re really having some sort of a gathering out there.

I’m not making the food today.

Maybe tomorrow…

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