Why is the lust of life so attracting? What do I get out of it? I get nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Any reasonable person would give it up at the first sight of awareness towards it. It is a useless time waster and suffering giver. When it gets too much I leave it and follow some of the practices i learned and which i trust. they always help me. they have so much truth in them, they are very much reasonable and i have substantial reason and evidence to follow them. i start feeling good and start improving. but after a day or two, its, this lust’s, persistence comes back. why do i give in? how can it win without a single reason backing it up?? human life is a joke i tell you. we act all reasonable on the outside but we are driven by unknown things. reason is an illusion. self is an illusion. “I” am an illusion. I have no substantial existence. Any effort towards anything is ludicrous. These random desires and emotions keep firing and i’m like a ping pong ball between them. sometimes i think the only single, the sole reason of my existence, the thing for which “i” was created, is to suffer. that’s the sole purpose i fulfill here.it makes sense. [Theory mode on] when there is resistance there is friction. when two things rub against each other in a rough way, they create friction which can be seen as their suffering. it is a manifestation of their rubbing and that resistance. similarly when in our mind things clash, when there is resistance it manifests itself as suffering. that suffering is me. i’m a by-product. out of the two clashing things one had to be chosen. it gets chosen through a complex mechanism comprising past experiences and environment knowledge. or maybe it is chosen based on which one rub harder during clash. this mechanism manifests itself as I, it points towards an I. And Behold! I am there. I’m by-product, an after-effect of the choice/decision/clash.
What can be done? Nothing can be done. seeing is salvation. I wish the day comes when I see.