last night, my girlfriend and I had a disagreement. you see, I am 32 years old and when I was 23 i made a mistake and stole $5,000 from the supermarket I worked for. it is a never-ending struggle to succeed in life because that felony charge stays with you. it happened to be in the state of arizona and they don’t expunge felonies they just “set them aside”. I cannot afford to do that so here I am back to where I started.
back to the disagreement from last night. we had gotten phones together via tmobile buy one get one free and so our rebate had come finally in the mail. I activated the card and paid off her phone as was the plan we had since she put the $300 deposit down. after paying off the one phone there is $270 left on the card. now being me, I decided it’d be funny to joke that I used the whole gift card and there was no money left. mind you, after texting her I paid off the phone she automatically replies “noooo” as if assuming I spent the entire card amount anyway.
so, I ask why are you freaking out? I was supposed to pay the phone off.she goes yeah but there was supposed to be money left that I needed for things.. blah blah. so… I continue with my joke (which she already assumed I spent the money, why not?) I tell her I didn’t know she wanted the money and that there isn’t any left. then she goes “hence the noooo” and then replies “I wish you would’ve asked me”.
after that I then go, “jk, I didn’t use all of the remaining money there is $270 left and I’ll give you the card when I see you next.” she didn’t like that at all. she replied “….” and then being me, I am like “you’ve been phone tapped. bazinga!(she is the one who watches big bang and told me about bazinga, I thought she’d laugh). well…. that was probably the worse thing I could say… she called me phony and that I never should joke about people’s money and that I probably was hoping she’d forget about the rebate so I could have the money (accusing me of stealing it, hence my back story). I was super offended.
honestly though, it put me in such a down mood…. I’m not super stable all the time anyway… I stumbled upon this site. we had that disagreement at 9:30pm it is now 1:06pm the next day and we haven’t spoken. I don’t really want to be the one yet again.. to text first. I feel like it wasn’t a super huge deal. I already apologized. I shouldn’t have to grovel. we are supposed to see each other but at this rate that isn’t going to happen.
I don’t know… I don’t know if I should care.. if I should not be offended. if I should give in and text her…. I don’t know.
this isn’t the first time she’s behaved like this.. the other day she asked me “what do you think I’d get arrested for?” I said “for being hot” and she lost it…. she called me annoying and got really pissed off. saying things like you always do that, you always say annoying things and can never give a real answer”. like jesus christ….. if I’m such an obnoxious person why bother dating me for five years?
so… trouble with her, brings me to turmoil. I am not close with anyone, I have one real friend who I never see because I don’t want to hang out with her. like my girlfriend is my friend, my lover, etc. I know that isn’t good, I know I should find happiness within myself but my life isn’t that great and there isn’t much happiness to be found within it.
this is why… I wish I was dead. I want to be murdered so people can feel bad I died for a second. I don’t think there’d be anyone at my funeral that genuinely cared that I had died; except maybe my parents? I don’t know, they hate me most of the time too.
4 comments
I could be wrong (obviously), but my guess is it’s not the jokes themselves that frustrate her, but maybe a feeling that you aren’t taking life seriously?
I have no idea – I don’t know you, and would be the last to judge you since I am a 33-year-old with nothing much to show for it.
I just know that it really matters to most women that you have your shit marginally together. I think it’s one of the ways I’ve seen guys (including myself) screw up most often: thinking the relationship is fine, oblivious to the iceberg that is the lack of direction in the guy’s life. Women are wired to want men who provide stability (for the purpose of childrearing and protecting the woman, not just from physical threats, but from financial and social ones too). If she feels like you’re slacking and going nowhere, or just being careless, that is a major turnoff. This is why you hear women say things like “I want a man who knows what he wants”. This is also why so many men think all women are gold diggers – not because most women want a billionaire partner, but because most women want a guy who is doing something with his life.
My point is not that you should have a mother-son type relationship where you’re always trying to keep her happy. It’s that if you’re unhappy and floundering, that is likely to make your woman unhappy too.
If this misses the mark – great! Otherwise, try to figure out what matters to you, and do that.
You also mention you have one female friend, whom you don’t want to see. Maybe try to make some male friends. It’s allegedly healthy. You could join some group for an activity you already enjoy or would like to try.
Good luck!
I don’t believe in this thing about finding happiness “within ourselves”. This is something for isolated monks — I’m not a monk nor I want to isolate myself.
I need people to be happy. I need friends, I need someone to love. Perhaps making some friends and having more people to hang around really could do you good, give it a try.
So agree with this.
I googled “set aside” for Arizona. Damn. So while you are not paying for that crime behind bars the rest of your life it seems you will be paying for it the rest of your life in terms of employment. Damn. I have heard of people who overcome this devilish obstacle. but it seems so sad..damn.