I’m tired, of being me. I want so badly not to face this reality anymore. I don’t know how to stop causing myself suffering. I just want to numb the awareness of it away. But nothing works anymore. I am the problem. My thoughts, feelings, experience of the world. But I don’t know how to change all that brokenness. I’m too attached…it’s all that I am. I’ve trapped myself in a loop of despair, and it only ends when something kills me.
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Did you ever sign up for that program?
Yup, four sessions in (next one in 6 hours, and I can’t sleep.) It’s about as difficult as I feared. It’s a long time since I’ve felt quite so low. I’ve told myself I’ll stick with it as far as I can, but I don’t know how long I can go on feeling this way without pulling the escape cord. I just have no motivation anymore, to do anything. No hope. I’m so tired. I just want to forget, but my mind won’t let go. It won’t switch off. It just keeps hanging on to the awfulness of it all.
Maybe you can get a recommendation for other resources. You’re not finished yet. Hang in there.
Yeah, maybe. Not expecting much at the moment though. You’re right, I’m not finished. I just wish I were.
I know. You’ve been going through this for years. Keep pressing on. Keep choosing to not act on impulse. You can overcome this, but there’s no easy fix. Wishing you strength for the journey.
Thanks for trying to be encouraging. I appreciate it.
It’s difficult talking around a subject, but I know you’re in pain, I know you’re trying, and I know the struggle is daily. Thinking of you. Keep reaching out.