If
You could go back and do it differently – because you know the way you’ve done it caused this mess you have under your feet…
Would you change it? Would changing what YOU did with your life actually matter? Or are you doomed to live a life of lies and deceit because ‘that’s what’s in the cards’?
Can you stomach this ‘life’ day after day? Same after same? More after more? Seemingly without end? A constant battle of opening your eyes to fresh daylight when all you want is eternal sleep. …so that feeling can die?
Peace – Will there ever be peace? I don’t think so – not in this life – but to me – peace in death – would be enough, if everything – everything – would just shut the fuck up.
No more I love yous – no more pain – no more lying beside my own shadow
That would be enough. That would fix this agonizing monotony – circle of life? wheel of death? aren’t they the same thing?
I’m tired… and I want to be done.. can I please be done?
3 comments
“Would changing what YOU did with your life actually matter?” – NO (that’s what is in the cards)
I cannot think of anything that I could have done better. Because I already did my best and yet failed miserably (illogical failures). No one has answers to why I failed and still continue to.
Why are young children molested? What could they have done differently? So many cruelties that keeps happening around us have no logic.
No matter how hard we try or hard differently things could have been, Lord our God always finds a way to screw it up.
I don’t believe that God needs defending – certainly not by someone like me. But I just wanted to say that I don’t agree that God allows these things outright. He has given people choice – and free will… what those people choose to do with their free will does affect others – countless victims of countless crimes… but blaming God seems to be a popular way of laying blame where it does not belong. Kind of like blaming everyone for your own issues when you know that there ARE things you could have done differently… I’m NOT saying that YOU personally could have – just an observation.
I believe that the question you asked is one of the most important ones one can ask:
“(If you could have a do-over: )What would you change?”
My episodic memory is not the greates, but off the top of my head:
That time I had two tickets for a concert and considered inviting my crush, but didn’t because I felt like I would be trying to buy her affection or something, and the next day when she heard that I had been to the concert, she exclaimed something along the lines of “Why didn’t you bring me, I LOVE [artist name]?”
Or that time in school we had to choose courses, and I had preferences but went with what my friends chose instead because I was afraid the course I enjoyed would be worthless out in the real world.
Or that time I first caved and accepted psychiatric medication, even though I had a bad feeling about it.
The countless times in my life I have liked someone and not tried to get to know them out of shame over who I am, a belief that I am pathetic and toxic and a waste of space, effort and time.
That I didn’t try harder to get a job while I was at school.
That I never pursued acting, even though I memorized everyone’s lines in the nativity play when I was a kid.
That I never pursued scriptwriting, even though I felt like I had a knack for writing dialogue in English class.
All the times I lied because it was expedient, rather than tell the truth and grow as a person.
Etc. etc. etc.
I believe your question is important, because how else are you gonna get better at life than to look back and correct your mistakes?