Suicide bridge

when i was initially suicidal, to the point of taking action, *this* was my preferred method: jumping. i wanted to do it. that’s how i wanted to go out. i thought it was “poetic” somehow, especially after watching documentaries on bridge jumpers and movies that contained them, and songs that talked about it. i was oddly infatuated with jumping. i liked how it looked, the swan dive. this was in 2013, i was 19. i had found a bridge that i was gonna jump over, but silly enough, couldn’t find a close enough spot to park my car.

then i swore i was gonna go out with the hibachi method. i thought about it all the time.
after reading about recovered bodies from bridge jumpers, that really made me reconsider. i was naive, of course. the fear got to me. plus, i hate heights. i think at that time in my life, i just wanted to act it out, i don’t think i was that serious. i think it was just like a warm up or something.

anyone else feel like life has changed a lot since 2012? i feel like i really started spiraling when i shaved my head, after having hair for awhile. to this day, it’s still shaved.