Drunk af

Does anyone else get suicidal while drunk? I think it’s the only way I’ll have the guts to do it. Don’t have anyone to talk to cause I feel guilty enough for ruining other people’s evenings already. I dunno, it sucks. I just want to get drunk without fucking things up for everybody else, feel guilty, then want to off myself to appease the guilt. Why can’t I have fun like everybody else?