This is my first time doing this on here . But i just needed a release from all this pain im going through. When i was 16 i got raped by a guy who i thought i really liked at the time . He was the nicest guy ever but he forced himself on me and i just froze not knowing what to do. Whrn i got home i came to see on snapchat and Facebook he was calling me a hoe saying i wanted it. I fwlt so horrible and dirty not telling everyone not even reporting it . This dates back to November 2015 but till this day i still get nightmares. I have boyfriend now we been dating for almost 2 years but we had our falls as well he cheated on me with another girls and just uses me for his needs. I guess were okay now but at first he was so kind and innocent. But now that we have had sex he just changed . He doesnt love me the same anymore and i see that . He tells girls im crazy and i CHEATED on him. When i been nothing but loyal thinking he was different. Besides my crappy relationship . I have been having nightmares that the same experience i had with my rapist . And it kills me inside the most sleep i get is 30 mins or at most 3 hours. My boyfriend is no help everytime i cry he screams at me saying i stress him out and he needs sleep. He never tries to help me out . Only with bribes he thinks bribing me will make me shut up . He says im perfect but yet when we argue he calls me a hoe,stupid,or he hates me . He even slapped and bruised my legs when taking me to work also made my lip bleed. I know im stupid for staying with him but i love him so much . And i can’t imagine myself with anyone else . Everytime i tell him i need help from therapy he always shuts down my ideas . I say i want to see my mom he never wants to take me and stay,with me i understand sleep is important to him . But, on his days off from he work he plays video games . I guess that is more important to him i buy him everything . I spend TIME with his family only. Never getting to see mine . I miss my family so much i hardly get to see them. I wanna leave and never come back but at,the same time i love him because im stupid. If its not my nightmares its him if its not him its me stressing on passing school and working all in one ! I just cant take it! Everyday i think of a way how ima end it all but i know it would hurt all my family but its just i hate living im going thru so much pain . I try to make it stop but it keeps getting worse i just dont what to do . Im sorry for ranting . JUSt wanted to let this off my chest. What do i do ? 🙁
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Break up with him and learn to live with it.
He doesn’t love you. I have no idea how to love another human, but I do know that his behaviors aren’t loving. They are just the actions of an insecure male playing macho games, like the ones his father and grandfather played, the same games he will teach any male offspring he might father.
You’re not stupid for loving him, but you do need to seriously look at your need to be with him – do YOU actually love the person he is, or does he fill a specific need in your life, one that you believe you’ll never be able to find anywhere else?
Ultimately, noone can tell you what to do, it’s entirely your responsibility, but if you want my advice, you should leave him.
Hey! I can relate what you been through 3 nights before my 19th birthday I was sexually assaulted by a male classmate at the college I was going to at the time. Honestly that was the first time i ever saw a man cry. He still wont go near me with out running in the other direction to this very day. It took me six months after the attack before I reported it. Basically after breaking down about it to a group of close friends at the time. the next 3 months after that were pure hell with the investigation, rumors ( I was harassed about it by several classmates), threats from the guys girlfriend ( supposedly the ***** was a council women back in his home town), telling my family about it, telling my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years about it (that didn’t end well and didn’t last long after that but thats an entirely different tale.). I too had nightmares a mix of flash backs and a dream of him chasing me up the stair well in my dorm building with a knife. luckily that one never came true.) It took me a long time but I eventually recovered. 2 different therapists , countless meltdowns both emotional and mental, 1 bad break up and a series of bad dates and hook ups. Overall I’ll be praying for you that you will find peace like I did.
That’s why woman use men for money and not romantic
You women always go for the shit guys then rant about “how you love him” even after he literally abused you in each way possible.
To me it proves that “you get and got what you want, and love it so much you won’t leave it”.
Utter stupidity.
Educate yourself:
thematinggrounds.com/the-mating-grounds-podcast-episode-19-qa-why-do-women-like-assholes/
I used to go after guys who I knew were no good but went after them anyway. Then one day I woke up and went after someone who was actually decent…
id like to ask you why you used to do that?????????
Leave him.
Take your stuff, go to your family. You are worth more than he will eber offer.
Love is not abusive and it is not a 1 way street.
For the love of Pete, leave. Go and don’t look back.
you need to be more selfish and i think that boy doesn’t deserve you