Help me .

  January 11th, 2018 by Depressedlatina23

This is my first time doing this on here . But i just needed a release from all this pain im going through. When i was 16 i got raped by a guy who i thought i really liked at the time . He was the nicest guy ever but he forced himself on me and i just froze not knowing what to do. Whrn i got home i came to see on snapchat and Facebook he was calling me a hoe saying i wanted it. I fwlt so horrible and dirty not telling everyone not even reporting it . This dates back to November 2015 but till this day i still get nightmares. I have boyfriend now we been dating for almost 2 years but we had our falls as well he cheated on me with another girls and just uses me for his needs. I guess were okay now but at first he was so kind and innocent. But now that we have had sex he just changed . He doesnt love me the same anymore and i see that . He tells girls im crazy and i CHEATED on him. When i been nothing but loyal thinking he was different. Besides my crappy relationship . I have been having nightmares that the same experience i had with my rapist . And it kills me inside the most sleep i get is 30 mins or at most 3 hours. My boyfriend is no help everytime i cry he screams at me saying i stress him out and he needs sleep. He never tries to help me out . Only with bribes he thinks bribing me will make me shut up . He says im perfect but yet when we argue he calls me a hoe,stupid,or he hates me . He even slapped and bruised my legs when taking me to work also made my lip bleed. I know im stupid for staying with him but i love him so much . And i can’t imagine myself with anyone else . Everytime i tell him i need help from therapy he always shuts down my ideas . I say i want to see my mom he never wants to take me and stay,with me i understand sleep is important to him . But, on his days off from he work he plays video games . I guess that is more important to him i buy him everything . I spend TIME with his family only. Never getting to see mine . I miss my family so much i hardly get to see them. I wanna leave and never come back but at,the same time i love him because im stupid. If its not my nightmares its him if its not him its me stressing on passing school and working all in one ! I just cant take it! Everyday i think of a way how ima end it all but i know it would hurt all my family but its just i hate living im going thru so much pain . I try to make it stop but it keeps getting worse i just dont what to do . Im sorry for ranting . JUSt wanted to let this off my chest. What do i do ? 🙁

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