But I won’t. I’m too scared of letting go. Which is stupid, because my only function in life is to make myself miserable. To constantly remind myself what a worthless pathetic monster I am. Because fuck me.
There’s no out here. There’s no redemption story. There’s no getting better. There’s only fuck you, you worthless piece of shit. Wallow in the mess you’ve made of your life, and then die, sad & alone.
I should put myself out of my own misery. That would be the rational thing to do. I’ve fucked things up too much to ever come back from it. The only thing left to do is bring it to an end, once and for all. To wipe myself from the universe. I am something that shouldn’t exist.
But I just…can’t. I can’t seem to let go. I can’t force my mind to focus on the rational thing. So I just sit here, contaminating everything.
5 comments
First of all, you are not a monster. You are just a lost human being who seeks comfort, safety, and love. You don’t have to end it, because think about it. What awaits you after you’ve successfully ended it? Life is fleeting and it’s a beautiful kind of disaster because pain and fear exists. But hey, I know you can overcome your demons inside you. I know you can stop yourself from contaminating everything. You are just lost and weighed down by the externalities of this world and suddenly, it all comes crashing down at you. Someday, it will be over. Someday, it will pass. Someday, you’ll just laugh by thinking about it. Please. Have some strength to keep on going with life. There are still wonderful things to look at. You deserve to exist because you are needed and you are loved by someone out there. It could be a friend, a relative, or just someone from an anonymous page. You are worth living. You deserve to live. So please, don’t say you’re worthless. Your worth is like a diamond that no one can ever count the value you have. Because you are valuable. If you needed someone to talk, I’ll be here. Here’s my email: wson9673@gmail.com
First of all, you are not a monster. You are just a lost human being who seeks comfort, safety, and love. You don’t have to end it, because think about it. What awaits you after you’ve successfully ended it? Life is fleeting and it’s a beautiful kind of disaster because pain and fear exists. But hey, I know you can overcome your demons inside you. I know you can stop yourself from contaminating everything. You are just lost and weighed down by the externalities of this world and suddenly, it all comes crashing down at you. Someday, it will be over. Someday, it will pass. Someday, you’ll just laugh by thinking about it. Please. Have some strength to keep on going with life. There are still wonderful things to look at. You deserve to exist because you are needed and you are loved by someone out there. It could be a friend, a relative, or just someone from an anonymous page. You are worth living. You deserve to live. So please, don’t say you’re worthless. Your worth is like a diamond that no one can ever count the value you have. Because you are valuable. If you needed someone to talk, I’ll be here. Here’s my email: wson9673@gmail
Thanks for trying, but I really am a monster – I can’t go in to why. I don’t deserve comfort, safety or love. You’re right, nothing would await me after I end it. But it would still be the rational thing to do – it would put an end to my dysfunction. There’s nothing beautiful or wonderful about the future I’ve made for myself, and there’s no overcoming these demons. It’s not external, it’s internal – the problem is not the world, it’s me,
It will be over someday, when I finally do die, though I won’t be around to laugh about it. But don’t worry, it’s unlikely I’ll ever do anything to push that date forward. I don’t have the strength to let go of the idea of all the things I’ll never find in life. I don’t deserve to exist, though I’m certainly loved/needed by relatives. I’m not worth the oxygen I’m breathing right now.
But really, I appreciate you reaching out. I’m sure there are worthwhile people here who could be helped by you, and it’s really good that you try to do so.
If you needed someone to talk to, I am here for you. I hope everything goes well for you!
Wow, someone else on this plant who feels the same. Our messed up world is one really weird place. Just don’t wana do this any more. Switch off please.