Im afraid

I was watching a documentary on hikikomoris in Japan and i can’t help but think that my lifestyle is closely related to that of a hikikomori’s. I haven’t been outside in 5 days. I haven’t really seen anybody but my mom who comes back home late at night. I’m 21 years old and I’ve recently quit my job because i got fed up with rude customers and my co-workers who love teasing me. I stopped going to school because being unemployed means not having any money to pay for school. I’ve just recently ran out of my own personal money. So now I’m living off my mom’s wealth. She says it’s ok, and that she just wants me to go back to school and that she will pay for it even tho i feel guilty about it. I should be out there working my ass off and living off my own wealth. Actually i should be doing many things i haven’t done in years. I haven’t exercised in 3 years after i graduated high school. I feel physically weak and yet my body aches from sitting and laying down all day. I’m pretty sure humans aren’t supposed to be living like this. So why do i do this to myself?….because I’m a *****. I fear other people’s judgements of me to the point i can’t even go outside for a simple walk. Although i still shower everyday and comb my hair as if I was getting ready to go somewhere. But i never open that door. Fear always gets the best of me. I start thinking horribly about myself. I start thinking that I’m not welcomed outside because I’m Mexican, my outfit looks silly, i look stupid with no friends, i look like a man with no purpose. Am i allowed to go outside for a walk? Is that a taboo thing to do in Arizona? I never see many people walking outside just for the sake of walking. Everybody drives but i have no car. I need help but I’m too afraid to ask for it in real life.