Last night I was all ready- I’ve been preparing awhile now.
I had the DDMP method minus actual morphine.
I had Valium & Chl in a bowl with baby food.
I had alcohol. Few stiff drinks I felt relaxed. I’d taken anti-emetics and even anti histamines.
I started taking- and it was impossible.
The baby food mixture was unearthly- a taste like nothing on earth. My mind and body rebelled and heaved.
The DDMP was in sweet fruit syrup- my first sip I retched and my stomach heaved, anti-emetics be damned.
I couldn’t do it- the taste was too much and my physiological reactions took twenty minutes to die down. I wrapped them and put them in the fridge (I live alone) and I want to continue, but I can’t.
Today I feel low, bitter, disappointed and weak in every way. Work is going to be unreal.
How on Earth do they take this?
Damn my weakness!! So bitter and betrayed by myself.
10 comments
I was to drink EG a week back.
I couldn’t, instead I ended up making an account here.
It’s still lying there, in the cupboard.
I don’t know if I will ever take it.
I don’t want to be a suicide attempt survivor.
It ok to fail at I guess. I thought I was alone but no, people do back off at the last moment.
Wishing you happiness.
I understand the title- Thank You.
Dumb question: why does anyone at work have to know…or am I totally missing the point? And if they know…just tell them you had a change of heart…or nothing. Not like they need to know.
I wish you well.
No -One knows.
Just hard facing the world after you’d planned to Exit it.
Thanks anyway.
I’m sure it is. It’ll get better I’m sure if you can get through it.
I have what is probably a stupid question. Why mix the stuff in baby food? Wouldn’t swallowing tablets or capsules be easier? I’m sorry. I know you planned it for some time.
Hi- No, it’s a good question.
Five Last Acts recommended that method. Hate to admit it but they were wrong- should’ve kept it as capsule/tablet.
EXIT recommended crushing the DDMP- no wonder people have difficulty taking it. I haven’t vomited in about a decade(I’m rarely ill) but that was unreal. Even with taking anti-emetics all day my stomach and oesophagi. Still spasmed.
You’re right- stick with pills.
BML84 please please contact me at aqua2000@protonmail.com
I was hoping so much I can finally end my misery but after I have read about your failed attempt I was devastated and now Im really afraid to do anything. I would really want to talk about it. I will be very grateful
Hi Lorine
You picked a good time- I’m just on to make a post now that I finally have certainty. Its just a countdown for me now.
Still, I’ll be happy to talk but unfortunately I can’t get protonmail on my device. Any other Mail though.
Hope this finds you well.
B.