Is this finally the day I die? Valentine’s Day perfect

February 13th, 2018by beautifulmonster

Am I finally going to leave this earth? How many stupid goodbye sorry letters do I need to write ?!

I’m only sorry if I ever hurt anyone and who will be hurt.

This is a letter for God,
You exist you got too. I can feel it. But I guess I’m weak. This TEST you put us on this earth for? Well lookS like I failed miserably didn’t I. I’ll finally see the other side. I’m
Shit scared. But I’m more shit scared of this pain I feel in my heart.

What is it a sick joke you play bringing people into my life but then to have them do the same thing to me over and over.

I AM NOT EVIL. I have a good heart. So why? To strengthen me ?! Pfffttt all it did was break me.

How could bill possibly believe I would ever want harm for him? Yeh my last words just before were vile. He has no remorse. He knew what everyone did. He turned and did the same. The same as Youssef Youssef, Fatima mrad, Sarah parsons… Am I not human ? Do I not get something?! ANYTHING?! Or it’s better to ignore the person so they spend years going mental going over and over in their brain?!

Of
Course I’m
Going to say I forgive you and I will mean it. But now NO. I DO NOT. I don’t forgive anyone who turned their back on me. I’m not miss perfect, no we’re near it. I never would have done what they done.

You nabill el Ali, in what world could you possibly think that’s what i wanted ? I’m not worth saying it to my face? Ha. From the start all you did was push me away. You say your talking to three people one that loves you, hates you, and then what was the third yeah it’s all true. Becuse you sinned and that sin was against me. You just said you have no remorse. You didn’t care enough to say it to my face.

I hurt you, I caused you a lot of pain. I was and am in a truely dark place. I never meant to hurt you. I lashed out when you hurt me. And that hurt you. For that I am truely sorry. I cannot have anyone believe I would ever want harm on them at the end of the day. I hope you find that strength I know you have in you to beat this. Otherwise you’ll end up like me. Damnd. Please forgive me.

Canterbury D & A just called finally… weird. Sorry Matt.

I’ve got to be The problem. I’m the only one crying so…

Mona you just rang me. You are an angel. You’re the only one that continuesly tries with me. For some reason I can’t pull out my hand to grab yours. I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone.

My lovely family. Start behaving like one. I just can’t take the loneliness.

I feel like vomiting. I thought this was meant to be peaceful. Of course I have to suffer.

God If you exist please don’t let anyone hurt. Just let me go. Please let me go.

Centrelink social worker just called…
I’m
Laughing

Nabill that was me that called twice to say sorry. I’ll try one more time. Or is it me being selfish? I don’t know. It is isn’t it? I just don’t want those to be the last things I said. If someone says the don’t care that means they don’t Dosnt it? I think I am making him worse. I shouldn’t call.

My
Lips are numb.

I hate this world. Everyone deserves to be happy and have peace. People deep down are good.

Twinkle little star I wonder how you are…
Up above all alone with a broken heart

kyrstsl just called. Yeh I believe in signs. No I want to sleep. She’s so amazing she’s helped me I only wish I could’ve helped her.

zack I’m sorry I didn’t answer. You are the only one that makes me laugh and helps me see a light

 

today will be dark. Why cabt I talk about kr family ??i have so vmuvh to say

 

 

Processing your request, Please wait....