sucky friends. a friend of mine. Thing was weird between us for a while and I thought I could resolve it by hung out with her in her city which is bit far away from my city. It was long drive and… She make me feel shit about myself by get upset over little things and have attitude toward to me… She was being polite but she don’t act like an old friend I knew… I pay for her lunch and ride… We hugged in end, but I feel disappointed. I drove back home and feel worse, because I don’t feel like my friends circle are grateful to have me that often.
Then, somehow I tried to reconnect my old friends… well.. Ex-friends… i better call them that now. I tried to reconnect, but no single words respond back and instead, they don’t allow me to message more after that. Then my brain wheels turns… “Loyal” that I thought my old friends has for me…. is not real. I doubt “Loyal” is even exist because everyone are too self-centered and care about themselves.
I have been struggles with make some good connections with my friends and it seems hopeless for me in my situation. Just tired of giving a trying to those friends that don’t returns much efforts.
and also in case anyone wonder why would I want to die over some friends? Well I learn recently, I was not able to find that kind of connections at home. My parents do love me and everything… but I could not go to them for emotional support. They will not know what to say or tried to take my problem in their hands or tell me that shit happens… We don’t often have really deep convention about my life or really involves with me as who I am… That is why I really need that kind of connections outside my home… but look at where I am now… I feel terrible alone.
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What happened Bean?
sucky friends. a friend of mine. Thing was weird between us for a while and I thought I could resolve it by hung out with her in her city which is bit far away from my city. It was long drive and… She make me feel shit about myself by get upset over little things and have attitude toward to me… She was being polite but she don’t act like an old friend I knew… I pay for her lunch and ride… We hugged in end, but I feel disappointed. I drove back home and feel worse, because I don’t feel like my friends circle are grateful to have me that often.
Then, somehow I tried to reconnect my old friends… well.. Ex-friends… i better call them that now. I tried to reconnect, but no single words respond back and instead, they don’t allow me to message more after that. Then my brain wheels turns… “Loyal” that I thought my old friends has for me…. is not real. I doubt “Loyal” is even exist because everyone are too self-centered and care about themselves.
I have been struggles with make some good connections with my friends and it seems hopeless for me in my situation. Just tired of giving a trying to those friends that don’t returns much efforts.
and also in case anyone wonder why would I want to die over some friends? Well I learn recently, I was not able to find that kind of connections at home. My parents do love me and everything… but I could not go to them for emotional support. They will not know what to say or tried to take my problem in their hands or tell me that shit happens… We don’t often have really deep convention about my life or really involves with me as who I am… That is why I really need that kind of connections outside my home… but look at where I am now… I feel terrible alone.