Suicidal family member

  February 20th, 2018 by Urm8451n

This post is what SP means with family effect and suicide related. This isn’t a happy ending nor a crisis, but beware of triggers.

 

When I was a young boy, I remember my mother going up the stairs, half dead, she was barely walking, her new bf helped her.  She was getting treated with chemotherapy and other cancer related drugs.  She was dying, it was an intensive fight.  She was alone, and my father divorced her.  Her family was so abusive and ugly that they didn’t even help.  I was about five and didn’t understand why my mom is falling to the ground.  I saw her fight over her own life.  Later she won the cancer thanks to a new hitech treatment.

 

Going forward about a decade and half, at 18, my mom locked the house, I was outside, she took all the pills she found and tried to kill herself.   I lost all faith in reality.  I broke down.   I wanted to help her, but I didn’t have the solutions for her and my problems.    I was fucking broke.

 

the following couple of years was a fight ovee surviving.  She barley worked, she took a lot of anti depression medications and tried to re gain her strength.   I recruited to her help, and went to work at minimum wage as much as I can to get money for the house.  I did the shopping,  I took care of the house.  I went with her outside, she was afraid to go out alone, she suffered from ptsd.

It was so fucked up,  I quickly started talking to myself and ended friendships.   I was a dull dead person again.

 

I’m ending this post here, can’t fucking talk about it more. It’s too hard.

 

Always remember that there is a way out.  Fight. Don’t give up. Don’t look on others.  Don’t drown.  Fucking fight!!!

All those feelings are worthless, live and be brave.

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