E

I guess I haven’t changed.
I say this a a lot, maybe since it keeps ringing in my head.
Although I am different then how I was when I first spiraled down this hole, I just can’t stop feeling this way.
I don’t want to sound like a broken record
But that seems to be a prominent symptom of being this way.
Who am I even talking to, who would I even tell.
I can’t tell my friends they’d think I’m being selfish and just tell me to get over it. I would never tell my family as that would just make them worry even more. I can’t talk to anyone and I just end up swallowing all this rage I have towards myself. I don’t want to be pitied or sympathised with, I just want someone/anyone to know what I really feel. I just want to be honest for once. I’m constantly lying about how I feel, pretending like I’m not at my worst state. I want my body to fly off a bridge, I want to crash into the water and the story to end there. I want to feel alive before I die, even if it’s only for a second. I want my life back. But I guess that’s too much to ask for. I guess sleep is my only hope.